I know....It is funny because I got an email today that said someone would tell me that they loved me by this evening....
The sad thing is that I am sitting here crying because I can't get that from the one person I should be hearing it from.
I am so scared that he will go through with filing for seperation in which I don't agree with at all. I am also scared that he is going to show up tonight to see the kids and I won't know how to act. I feel like if I am as compassionate to him as I have, that isn't going to show him anything. I don't know how to be with him. I do love him more than anything but I just don't know what the right way to be around him is.
Oh, and I also found out that she is a trust fund baby. She told me that she was going to give H money to give me for support while he was off work.... I told her not to bother. It is his responsibility.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
I just don't know what the right way to be around him is.
Ok I will say it again Get your head out of your A$$!!!!
You know how to act. Act like yourself. Happy, friendly, and caring. Do not let him ruin your day. Why are you so damn worried about the fact that he told you that he was going to file for a seperation? Look who we are talking about here. He is lazy and probably will put it off for a long time.
Come on now the I Luv you was supposed to make you happy not sad. We all care about you and you know what you need to do you just are not doing it. I am going to tell you the same thing I told Jazzgtr. You are your own worst enemy right now.
Think about that and tell me why I would say such a thing....
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
I know it's scary and hard to know how to act. I have been unsure of how to act myself, because I thought that being kind, loving, etc. was/is important. And it is. But it is possible to detach and do things from a place inside yourself where there are no expectations for reciprocation, no controlling motives. It takes some time and very diligent effort to get there. It won't just happen. You have to choose and be aware of every thought and action.
As much as you're standing for your marriage, you are still focusing everything on him, hoping to persuade him to stop his destructive behavior. What are you doing for you?
By the way NGU/UA/and T2SP need another partner for our cage match that we are setting up. Are you up for the challenge? We are thinking of do a big promo for it and getting it on Pay Per Veiw. LBH Vrs LBW's..LOL
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
OSU...gently put dear! But he's not wrong. If you don't know how to act and you're afraid of messing someting up DON"T BE HOME!!! Get a sitter, grandma, the postman anyone and be out. Figure out where you have been: Thai cooking, Tai Chi, Tie one on, just something fun. (even if you DON"T go there) Then breeze in just as he's leaving: "Oh, hi! How are you? Did you guys have fun? Sorry I wasn't here I was at my "knitting for geniuses" class... yes, we have to dress really well and wear makeup for our class...why thank you for noticing that I look nice. I just love this class..."
GET THE PICTURE? Get out before you implode, explode, or just plain plode!!! you have time to work something out! GO!!! Right after you pull your head out...
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Stubborn I havebeen know to swing a few 2X4's everynow and then when needed. However, she knows exactly what she needs to do she just needs to start doing it. Her and I have talked about this several time but she is just not ready to detatch. She is still letting her emotions drive her actions and it is playing a big role in pushing the Hubby away.
Sorry NGU but it is the truth.
Look back at your sitch and look at the responses you have gotten from him when you were that caring loving W that was in a positive mood and did not try and win him back.
He was confused about what he wanted to do wasn't he. By the way is a very good sign for you.
Now look at the response you get when you talk R with him and try to win him back with words....
He talks about D and Seperation. Get it yet?
You are as hard headed as I am and eventually you will figure all of this out. I have.
Actually I am getting pretty good response from my W once I just let go. She is getting pissed off at me and is trying to control everything I do in her own sick and twisted way. This is an expected response. It shows that she still cares and that she is mad that I am not letting her control my everyactions anymore. Now I am not saying that the W and I will get back together and I am not saying that we will but at least I know she still cares and it hurts to see me happy and moving on. It just plays into her confusion about the stupid sh!t she is doing. Not to mention I have become so much closer to my S and D through this process it is not funny.
I hope you are starting to get the picture here sister.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Stubbor/Aud/OSU, Thank you for your advice. I will take it. I PROMISE!!!!!!!!!! I have decided not to answer cell phone when H or OW calls. I will not sit and try to talk to him about anything. I will entertain myself with the dishes or S4months or something else. I will let him see that I am moving on. To be honest, I really think I need to. I have put my life on hold for him for the past 4 1/2 months and look where it has gotten me....20 lbs lighter and emotionally drained. I guess the 20 lbs lighter isn't such a bad thing.
I am also debating about telling him that he can only come over on Monday, Wednesday and every other Saturday. If he works, too bad. I was planning on doing that Monday night, but he didn't stick around after he dropped the kids off.
So there it is. I am still standing for my M but I am going to distance myself from him. He wants to see how his life will be should we D, then his wish is granted. Let him get a taste of it. I will need strength to get through this....so Ben, if I call you to get myself out of the house, please don't be surprised.
Thanks guys...and gal...I needed this one!
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
I am always here for you if you need it. You know that. Plus I still owe you anyway...
By the way about the boundries with the kids. I do not know about telling him if he works too bad. That is not the point of lovingly detatching. I would put it this way. If you have to work on the days you are supposed to see the kids you will need to call me and we will have to work out another day. Just put the ball in his court and let him do what he has to do.
If you ever need to chat you know my number.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
