Need advice

[want2believe]

Hi Afraid,

Well WAH came in and was very distant. I finally just asked after a while, "Well, are you done with me?". WAH said "No". We then got into a discussion where I said I needed to discuss some things, but he wasn't ready to. He said "Next month is just next week". I told WAH I can't read his mind. I told him if we didn't talk about things I was afraid he was just going to leave again in a couple of months if he game home. He then wanted to discuss it right then, but at that point we only less than 10 minutes before we had to leave to take the boys to their games. I told him we could talk more about it later.

WAH really didn't bring it up again. We spent time together at the business later in the day. WAH didn't bring up the subject of talking, although WAH did get affectionate, and it was obvious he wanted to spend time with me. WAH didn't seem to want to go to his place, and kept bring up things he could do at the house, or together the next day. I was a little weird, mainly because I knew there was too much he wanted to do, and there was no way it was all going to happen. I did late that night bring up a couple of items I wanted to talk about. I also told WAH that I also
felt he took me for granted. WAH was surprised at that, and wanted to know how. I only gave him a couple of examples.

The next morning, WAH got up and left for his place to get some clothes washed, and order some parts. Not un-expected to me, but
it didn't mesh with what he had said the day before about what he wanted to do. I ended up spending most of the day at the business. WAH came in the afternoon at 3:00 to cash out, but kept finding other things to work on, so that we didn't actually cash out for anther 4-5 hours. WAH went back to his place then.

Monday we had a credit card service rep coming to the business, which we both needed to be there for. WAH was ok, but said he had things to do, but finally decided himself that he'd come over first, and then leave to get his stuff done after he picked up younger S from practice. WAH came over to watch the kids while
I went to volleyball. I dropped younger son off at basketball practice. WAH sat down and fell a sleep on the couch before I left. WAH did pick up younger S, but just dropped him off and left. Didn't even come in. When I got home at 10:05, both boys were still up, and neither had done some minor tasks I'd given them. Same kind of thing I've been putting up with for years. Decided the next morning, I needed to say something to WAH about it, just wasnt' sure exactly how to say something.

When I got home from work on Tuesday, I was a little surprised to see WAH already there. I causually mentioned that the boys were still up when I got home. I didn't say much else. WAH didn't seem phased by it. WAH said he'd come over because we had business taxes to do. True. While working on them, Younger S bed broke when the boys had jumped on it. WAH said I should get him a new bed. I asked for clarification from him on this, and he said he'd said "we". I told him I heard "I", meaning me. I then asked him, "You don't know yet if your moving back or not, do you?". He said, I though we were going to talk about, and each ask question about what we wanted first. So what do you want to ask me?". I then asked him why he didn't ask me to go to his racing banquet with him. He just said "because". I said, that's your answer "because"? He said "yes". I then asked WAH if he thought our problems were all my fault. WAH said "Yes". I then asked WAH if he felt he should appolgize to me. WAH said "No". At that point I sort of had it - and I told him if the really thought this was all my fault, and could appolgize to me for what he had done, I didn't want him to move back. WAH didn't get leave though. We talked some more, and he asked me what I thought he should appologize for. I told him, he didn't have to have an affair while we were still married. He agreed, and did appologize. He started talking about me improving on his four items for me. I just told him I've had it with your four items that you want. How will I ever know if I live up to your expectations of them, let alone if that is what I want. I told him, all I wanted was someone to love me, and who wanted to be with me and the kids. He said that was what he wanted also. (Although he doesn't say that and he keeps bringing up his 4 pet peeves he has for me). We talked a little about spending time together, and WAH asked when would we have time to do something together. I said we make time.
He's like "How?". I gave a few examples. Somewhere in the conversation, I make a statement about the situation with the boys the night before, like "Would it have been that in-convient to have just come in for another 1/2 hour to spend with the boys". WAH starts making excuses, he had all these things to do, like I don't understand. I told him it was only a suggestion, but I could tell he felt I was blaming him.

Somewhere in the discussion, about a few other things, WAH starts to get ready to leave. I ask WAH about the taxes. He stays and we finish the taxes. At one point, I tell him, I'm not giving up on us, but if you really think its all me to blame.... it's not right. When WAH got ready to leave, he did give me a kiss. We then stood staring at each other for a while, and WAH gave me a big hug and another kiss. WAH mentioned the next night, I tell him what is going on, and then decide to mention that I need him (if he's available) to come over Thursday morning to drop younger S off at the bus stop as I need to be into work by 8:30 for a class. I mention that if he can't I can ask the neighbor. WAH gets somewhat piss off about that comment, asking me if I'm going to get the whole neighborhood involved in our lives. Said I should have waited to hear his reply before suggesting an alternative. I tried to explain I was just trying to cover my bases. He didn't like it. WAH then left.

This morning I was finshing up getting W2's printed out, as I'd only been able to get the instructions to print out to that point. WAH drove up, and said he come by to see where I was with the W2's. We figured it out together. At one point I asked WAH if he'd like anything. WAH said "No", than a minute later, pulled me to him and gave me a big kiss. WAH didn't say anything though about anything we'd talked about the night before.

Needless to say, I'm cautiously optimistic at this point. It just feels good to get some things out in the open, and know I haven't chased him totally away. I don't feel as stressed out about him possibly moving or not moving back in at the end of March as I did previously. There are still things to talk about, and I haven't heard his side of questions yet for me. I'm just taking things one day at a time.