I know it's scary and hard to know how to act. I have been unsure of how to act myself, because I thought that being kind, loving, etc. was/is important. And it is. But it is possible to detach and do things from a place inside yourself where there are no expectations for reciprocation, no controlling motives. It takes some time and very diligent effort to get there. It won't just happen. You have to choose and be aware of every thought and action.
As much as you're standing for your marriage, you are still focusing everything on him, hoping to persuade him to stop his destructive behavior. What are you doing for you?
