Remember one of the basics of Dbing. Do something different, do a 180 .
You want to keep her a little off balance, be unpredictable, mix it up a little. Keep her guessing. Of course this is all in balance with all the other things you are doing as well.
If you have always done it,(called to check in) maybe this is a good place to do a 180. See what happens.
Quote: Every day I call my wife from work to let her know when I will be home and briefly chat. We have always done this. It feels strange not to do this, but I am wondering if I should stop so as to not come off as pursuing. The problem is that she doesn't mind the calls and often likes them. This would normally lead me to say keep doing it, but we march ever closer to the brink and maybe I should do something else. I am not sure what would be letting go here...calling or not calling. Both seem right and wrong.
Sometimes DBing seems counterintuitive, goes against our natural inclination.
I would try not calling her and see what reaction you get. It may take awhile for you to get any reaction at all but watch for any sign.
Have you read the book: "Solo Partner" by Phil DeLuca?
He explains the distancer/pursuit dance really well.
In addition to NOT pursuing, you want to change the dance so that you become the distancer and she becomes the pursuer. That is a simplistic statement that doesn't take into account yours and your wifes past dynamics but may help you to decide what the best course of action is.
If you were always the pursuer in your relationship then distancing would be a 180 for you.
But if you were always the distancer, that needs a different approach. You have to decide just what your goal is here. Such as having her see you as more accessable emotionally, if you were always the distancer.
My advice to you is to set 1 or 2 goals that are doable. And then make decisions based on reaching those goals.
But always keep in mind to do something different, okay?
I would be happy to help you with coming up with those goals.
