My wife is 38. I think your advice is all good. I actually do believe that things could turn around if given enough time. Unfortunately I don't think I will get it.
She is still very concerned about the kids. Her counselor validates her thinking that it is best for the kids. In September when she first formally demanded a divorce, she said it was best so that they wouldn't have to be around so much fighting (I don't think that there was sooo much, but I understand that her feelings are pretty key here). As the past few months have unfolded, and our communication has improved and fighting virtually disappeared, her story has changed to the kids needing to see their parents in a loving relationship which she is not capable of.
I am letting go. It's hard not to engage in pursuing behaviors when still at home. I am trying to make changes in myself (for my own good as well as for the relationship). However, most of these changes involve being somewhat more attentive and involved. My nature, these are also pursuing activities. It's hard to know what to do here.
I have noticed, however, that my way of approaching her has changed since this weekend. I haven't "given up," but I do honestly believe there to be no (or almost no) hope. I do believe that a last minute reversal is possible as we get into counseling, but so unlikely as to not be worth thinking of. This is actually good because it may allow me to act the way that I need to. I do feel some self dignity returning as I am mentally shifting (slowly and with many reversals) towards what I want post-divorce.
