Difficult to hang in there when the affair goes on and off. Especially when I get angry. It is hard to keep a smiley face going, hard to stay positive with her. Been doing it for a long time and getting more fed up with every return to OM.
I see what you mean about OM manipulation, though. I've heard of all sorts of things - he makes my W feel responsable for his messed up pathetic emotional life, like she's his only salvation or something. It would be nice if someone just put him in an institution to get it over with. She resents it, but is still sucked in by it.
He does, did - whatever - make her feel safe. I think that I'm a critcal kind of person. She said she didn't feel she measured up. I recognize what an a* I've been and have been trying hard to change it, not just with her, but with everyone I know. Got the realization that I'm not the most emotionally wise dude on the planet. Lots of unthinking stuff. No excuses for that.
About her demons...
I'm not afraid of her getting to be where she wants. Always wanted it, just was worried about other things. Every big fight got a threat of leaving tagged on it. Suspicion that "growth" means ashcanning yours truely. Deep down, afraid she never really loved me. Not going to let that get in the way of supporting her, but I gotta admit those sorts of worrys.
So going to the therapist dug that up, yeah. But the other stuff was angry stuff about me and us, and the therapist didn't know how to guide us thru it. Just dragged it up and let it simmer. It would have been nice to have some help, you know.
And I think my W's goals were murky. Still seeing OM during sessions, so probably saw it as divorce conselling. It seems she wants me as some kind of buddy and doesn't want to give that part of it up. I think the therapist knew it. I feel strung along, and not too happy about the whole thing.
Trying to forgive. Trying to get help - praying and going to church, thinking about forgiving. But po'd a lot of the time, especially right now. More than I've been thru most of this. It sucks to "be doing the right thing" (what even DB phone people say) and get nowhere.
Just don't know how to get past my W's inability to forgive me and her thing with OM.
