One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Well H didn't even stick around to talk to me last night. He wasn't home when I got there at 7pm. He dropped the kids off an left.
So i called him and he said that he was upset because he has no money and doesn't know how he will get money for me and the kids. I asked him if this is how he plans to spend the rest of his life. He said "I don't know." Why is he being so stubborn? Can someone please tell me why? He doesn't know why he keeps running back to a person that keeps hurting him over and over again. I guess I have no room to talk because I keep hoping that a person like that will wake up and return home.
Oh well. He said that he would call and talk to me today but who knows. At this point I am drained.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Have you ever thought of yourself as that person that hurt him over and over again and that maybe he is affraid that if he returns that thing s won't change and he will be stuck in the same cheeseless tunnel for the rest of his life?
The thought process goes both ways here sista. Just my 2 cents though.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
You know...if he were to tell me that, then I would know one way or the other. But he won't tell me anything. Every answer I get is "I don't know." Do you have a magical way to get into his head to find out or to be a fly on the way when he finally opens up about it? Not trying to be mean but I don't know these things until he tells me. For all I know, he could have spilled the beans to you and you are sitting here as the all knowing, all powerful Ben.....
The difference is, I never hurt him on purpose. She continues to do that. My only thought is that he continues to put up with it because he doesn't have anywhere else to go. You don't have a place for him to crash and he doesn't want to come home and then decided that he doesn't want to be there again. I don't know.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
I am the all poweful Ben but the answers to the questions I do not know. All I know is that you used to keep a pretty tight leash on him and it bothered him....Now hurting him by accident or on purpose does not reall matter...Hurt is hurt. We just need to find a way to figure out what really pushed him away....
Before you guys seperated what were your fights about?
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Honestly, the fights that really went down the road of seperation where at the same time he began the A. It was mostly about him running out of the house every night to go out with his friends. (Now I know that it wasn't to be with his friends...but to be with OW) And spending money when we really didn't have money to spend.
At times it would be about him not helping with the kids. He wouldn't want to do things with the me and the kids. Would spend his time sleeping while I was trying to take care of everything in the house.
He told me a few weeks ago that he doesn't feel like he is part of the family. I just told him that I understand but that I have had to learn to cope without him for the past 4 months. He also says that we didn't do too many things by ourselves. But when I have invited him to do things with me recently, he would give me a "we will see" answer. And it never pans out. I guess I could ask him again but I know that she will be part of the answer and he will say no. But all I can do is ask.
I know that one of my faults was always putting the kids first. Trying to keep them on a schedule. I don't know that is a bad thing but apparently it is to him.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
I need some help today. OW called me last night and I ended up in a discussion with her for 1 1/2 hours. Not good. And of course H found out that we were talking. She keeps stirring up crap and I keep getting blamed for it. She informed me that H was going to file for seperation. So nice of her to inform me of this. She kept trying to tell me how good of a person she was....you can't fool me. I told her that she was a hypocrit (sp?) She can go to church and have her faith but then go back to an affair??!??!? WTH??? I wasn't trying to reason with her because there is no reasoning with the mentally deficient.
I really need some advice right now. I spoke with H last night and I know that nothing I say will bring him around. He is going to have to hit the lowest of lows. But what I did say to him, which I think got him thinking twice about D, was that if he should go the S or D route, then I will have no legal obligations to allow him to see his kids whenever he wants. It will be court ordered days and nothing else. He said that maybe he needs for me to walk away for him to realize what he has. How dumb can he be? If I walk away, then it will be too late for him. I guess I am just about at that point.
Can someone help me? I also need to know if I have to agree to a legal separation for it to go through.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
As far as the legal seperation goes. I believe that after a year you do not need to sign for a seperation. However before that you do. A legal seperation you have to agree on everything.
As far as the OW goes. When she calls tell her nicely that you do not think it is a good idea that you two are talking and leave it at that. You do not have to talk to her nor do you have to listen to her. By talking to her you are pushing your H further away. If it were me I would tell him to have her quit calling you because you really have nothing that the two of you need to be talking about. Let you H control the OW. It will make him realize that she is the one initiating the conv as well as you not wanting to talk to her thus she will be putting pressure on your H with her actions.
Cheer yourself up all is not lost yet. However you do need to let go and let him come back to you.
AMYC said this well on UA's thread.
If you believe in god (truely believe in god), then you have nothing to worry about...Let God do his work and let him guide you in the direction you need to go. It is definitly time to just let go...You need to emotionally detatch from him and let him see what he is missing. Your words are not going to bring him back. It is your actions that need to bring him back.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
I understand. I am not going to call him anymore. I am done with the mental games for now. When we talked last night, he couldn't tell me why he couldn't work on things. He couldn't tell me why he is doing what he is doing.
I did find out that he had his bags packed the night that she called me and was with her H. Why did he stay?????
Like I said, I am officially done with this crap. I am letting go. I will fight my fight quietly. I know that I have said this before, but I am sticking to it. My battle will be a quiet battle. I will continue to pray that his world continues to crumble and that she contributes to most of it.
Thanks!
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Get your head out of your A$$ and quit talking to the OW.
Do not talk to her anymore. Not at all. If she calls you are too busy to talk and have nothing that you want to say or hear from her. Get it.
Now saying that you are going to emotionally detatch is a lot easier than actually doing it. I hope that you actually do because I tuely do think that that is the only way you are going to get him back....You need to stop pursuing which you are doing constantly. You know what hi answers are going to be before you even ask him so why put yourself through this sh!t. You are smarter than that. LET GO AND LET GOD LEAD YOU DOWN THE RIGHT PATH. What his is doing and thinking is out of your control.
By the way I still luv ya...
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
