I went to some of your other posts to see if I could get more background on your situation. I can’t give you THE answer that you are looking for but I can try to help you make the decision for yourself.
Quote: I have had some input (on these boards) suggesting that if you spouse sees no hope (mine does not) that this may be perceived as too much pressure and that just DBing may be better.
In reading a few of your posts I read that your wife feels that you are controlling. There is a very real chance that your wife might interpret your wanting her to go to Retrouvaille as controlling. For that reason she could decline and your asking her to go could backfire on you.
Quote: I have also heard that Retroaville will not help if there is a third party in the wings (I suspect this but have no confirmation).
The people at Retrouvaille will pre-interview your W and will ask her(She doesn’t tell them her answer) if there is a third party involved and will tell her that they don’t recommend she attend the weekend if there is. There are many reasons why the program is not successful if there is another person.
Quote: One of her resons for wanting the divorce is that we had nothing to say to each other. This comment was partially true as during the six months leading up to her announcement, it was clear that things were going badly in our relationship. The tension from this made all normal conversation seem contrite. When discussing the divorce she said that all we talked about was her day and things involving the kids (Is this not the majority of any family oriented couples coversations?). She still maintains that we are great as a family, but bad as a couple (which seems plenty good reason to go to joint counseling or anything else to try to fix the couples part).
Quote: First, do you have any advice on how to ask?
Retrouvaille directly addresses the issues you stated above. If it were merely just about those issues, I would tell your W that Retrouvaille directly addresses these issues and gives you tools for better communication. But...
I would advise proceeding with extreme caution. Just from the quick search I did on your situation, I can't get a feel for what is really going on. Depending upon where your W is at in her journey, Retrouvaille can either help or hurt. I think Retrouvaille is an extraordianry program as do I think that DBing is extraordinary. They are complementary to each other. Retrouvaille is a tool(and gives you some tools) but Dbing is a way of life.
I've gotta run but, I would be happy to talk to you more. Feel free to continue to ask questions here or email me at: martelis@hotmail.com
