Journey of a Happy Heart

[princess_nic]

Thank you all. I am having some trouble getting used to these new bb's--must be getting old, lol!

I have so much good advice here; now i just have to put it into action!

Ever, thanks for your perspective as an ex-MLCer. I couldn't find your thread over here. Could you give me a link?

After that last convo with H, things actually seem easier btw us. Every time we get some of our emotions out, but in a (generally) calm way, it seems like we are able to be closer. I don't mean in any sort of romantic way, but there is a sense of ease there.

Today at DD's therapy session the T talked to both of us (me and D), and DD and I discussed some things about her feelings. I think it was very productive. I am going to bring S5 in in two weeks, and the T would like to talk to him, too. She thinks that a lot of his clinginess and fearfulness is due to the same thing as it is with D10--Daddy left abruptly one day and never came back, and they are afraid the same will happen to me.

Things are coming along for me. I am dealing with my anger and sadnes and grief, and releasing it. It is hard, but I will get through it.

Thank you all so much,
N

[almosthopeless]

Hi nicola,

Your thread title is beautiful and so hopeful.

Sounds like you found a good T for your kids, and that you are doing absolutely all you can do by working on yourself and your own grief. BND's post was beautiful, especially I thought, the part about grief being required, whether we D or not.

Big hugs.

AH

[MotherMovingOn]

She thinks that a lot of his clinginess and fearfulness is due to the same thing as it is with D10--Daddy left abruptly one day and never came back, and they are afraid the same will happen to me.

Makes my heart hurt.

Love and hugs and warm mashed potatoes for you and the kids.
Love,
Althea

[ACJ]

Nic finally found you again after this horrible revamp. Will catch up with your sitch

[EverHopeful]

Nicola,
I never really put up a thread... if so it is probably long gone now... I have recently posted on MGoBlue's thread. if you get a chance, you can check for me there... I would love to hear or offer supoort to you. I am losing my strength for this battle ...

[e-mail]

[MotherMovingOn]

Need advice/comments/suggestions over at my place
Love A

[princess_nic]

I'm going away for the weekend w/ the kids to winter carnival. We've never been and I think it will be fun.

H was here with the kids tonight while I went out to an alumni party. I said I'd be home "around 8," but I was having fun and stayed on. He called me at 8:30 to find out where I was, and told me he'd made plans. He must have done that after I left, as he's normally w/ the kids till 9:30 and would have had no way of knowing I'd be back at 8. I came home at 9:15 and said I hadn't expected him to make plans on his night w/ the kids. ARGH! I was with my brother, actually, and he advised me that I was under no obligation to rush home or feel guilty, since H hadn't even told me he'd made this plans. What a jerk. ( H, I mean.) Here is the email I sent him just now:

Hi

I expect to be back at 5 on Sunday. Would you like me to drop off the kids with you at that time or bring them home?

I didn't realize that you had made plans last night, as you didn't tell me. Had you asked, I would have told you not to count on my being home by 8. Since you are normally w/ the kids till 9:30 on Thursdays, I thought you would plan to stay with them until then anyway. I could have been more transparent with my expectations, and now you know what they are.

Have a good weekend. My parents have the contact info if you need it.

~ Nicola

I think it sounds clear, but not mean. Anyway, I met some nice guys tonight, one in particular who wants to get a group together to go out. He remembered me from 20 yrs ago! Just meeting nice guys reminds me that I don't have to put up with this rubbish.

Plus, H was going to lend me his car DVD player, but he refused to let me pick it up at his place! He said he'll bring it by tomorrow morning. He's probably got some ow stashed away at his place.

Anyhow, I'm looking forward to my little getaway, and I hope you all have a great weekend.

[lovingme]

Have a great time Nic!!! Your email was good and to the point.

Much love!
Christy

[amd]

Your brother gave you good advice--way to not cave in to H's expectations!

Stop tormenting yourself with ASSumptions about ow's at H's place. I think it's more likely that he's sulking.

[COG]

Nic,

Hope you have a great weekend with the kid's, and I'm sorry that H is so clueless and selfish right now.

I didn't realize that you had made plans last night, as you didn't tell me.

That's kind of defensive. It's the kind of response that's just going to make him want to fight, defend himself.

Had you asked, I would have told you not to count on my being home by 8. Since you are normally w/ the kids till 9:30 on Thursdays, I thought you would plan to stay with them until then anyway.

Ditto, that's also getting defensive, and a little petty.

I could have been more transparent with my expectations, and now you know what they are.

Well, that's just borderline snotty.

I think you've got quite a bit of anger going because he's not where you want him to be. I think he's probably hanging on by a thread, and really does'nt want to loose you. You were out at an alumni function, single men present, and he's at home with the kid's. My gut tells me he had nothing going on, but just could'nt stand the thought of you conversing and having a good time out in public, so that's why he called you to come home. He probably did'nt want you to come to his place to pick up the DVD because he wants to save some face. Maybe he'd like you to believe he's got somebody else, or maybe his place is a mess. I think your anger just got you to jump to the conclusion that he was hiding OW.

All that said, I can totally understand your frustration, and your desire to meet other people. I don't know if I'd feel any different than you in the similar sitch. Maybe if your H could give you a little something to hang your hat on that he's changing, that he still has hope for your M, that he wants your M to work out. Well all I can say is that my W had no hope for our M, she gave me nothing to hang on for several years, and we were totally separate. But that's all changed, her heart has changed, and her feelings continue to change. Miracles do happen, but at the same time, I can understand your moving on.

God Bless,

COG