Went to the first post session Saturday night. H did complain saying, "why would anyone have it on a Saturday night?" I bit my tongue and suppressed my sarcastic answer which would’ve gone something like this: “Because, after working all day most people would much rather do it on a Sat. night and low and behold they could make a date of it
My H hasn’t realized that the definition of a married single(they explain what this is in depth at the weekend, just substitute MLCer behavior into it and it applies) applies to him.
Any way, no sarcasm from me.
When we got there he seemed to genuinely enjoy it. He participated, even though he was tired, having been out jamming the night before until 2:00AM .
He seems to enjoy doing our homework every night also. We are still just dialoguing about feelings and not doing any conflict resolution yet. That comes a little farther along in the process. I’m getting a bit impatient because we have a lot of issues to address.
Right now we spend 20 minutes a day with just each other doing the dialogue. Other then that, it is business as usual.
The question we dialogued about: What is the best memory I have about us this week? How do I feel about my answer?
We both answered that the best memory we had of each other this week was, when we were dialoguing. He felt contented and I felt tentative. As he was trying to understand my feeling of tentativeness, he asked me: “Is it tentative like you’re not sure you have a partner who is as committed to this as you are?” I was surprised because that was not how I meant tentative at all but now I was curious. Before I could get him to elaborate we were interrupted. Even so during dialogue, we only get to talk about feelings during the 20 minutes. I write how I feel and he comes up with an analogy that will show me that he understands exactly how I am feeling and vice-versa. There are no why’s, where’s, or therefore’s. Just feelings. Eventually you get to discussion where you get to express thoughts, ideas, opinions and attitudes. But we haven’t gotten there yet.
I am appreciative that he has the desire to do the exercises. That is a first step. I’ve just been at this for so long that I am weary for some kind of intimacy. Well as "they" say, "slow and steady wins the race", I guess.
Sting: Thanks for stopping by and for the encouragement, I sure do appreciate it. Perhaps the ice IS starting to melt, it's just so hard to tell with my H. As far as he is concerned, if it is not manifested(in his actions), I don't trust my intuition where he is concerned.
