Hey Rob, I used to ride all the time when I was younger, now I avoid bikes until I drop down around that 200lb mark. Something about stability that makes me not want top ride until I am a little more fit.... So for now I'll stick to raquetball and the gym until I shed 30 more lbs. Shouldnt be hard the way my liefe is going:-)
So, things are continuing in pretty much the same mostly-promising vein.
D14 is still causing turmoil with her refusal to take responsibility for homework, music practice, keeping the house from looking like a pig sty (I give up on her bedroom, but when the living room looks like this... ) Anyways, the interesting thing is that my approach to dealing with this has changed as a result of my DBing - along the lines of I can't control someone else's actions, just my own response to it. So, I've taken a much tougher attitude of "Let D14 fail and pay the consequences" and don't let myself get so overwrought about the whole thing.
W is a different story, though. She still takes every failure of D14 as a personal failure. I tried to make her see that, as long as MOM is accountable for everything, then no wonder D14 isn't! W acknowledges this, but hasn't learned to let it go. This led to some tense times this weekend between W and me, but I managed to smooth this over by refusing to get sucked into arguments about it. We eventually worked out a compromise that's closer to the approach I described above than the old "what doesn't work" pattern of W nagging D14 endlessly, and D14 still not doing anything.
On the happier side of things, W and I have been dancing three days in a row now! Saturday, we went to the ski club party I mentioned earlier. Didn't manage to be "charming" much - W and I were mostly wallflowers. We didn't know a soul and the vibes of the room were a little weird - lots of the tables were divided into what appeared to be groups of 30- to 55-year-old men, or 30- to 55-year-old women, all trying to drink enough to get up the nerve to go talk to each other. There but for the grace of God... There were also a number of tables with couples, but they were a bit clique-ish, so we just hung by ourselves on the fringes.
After W and I had a drink ourselves, we alternated between people watching and dancing (they had a DJ). The music wasn't really right for most of the swing dance moves we've been focusing on - too fast and we couldn't keep up. Eventually, we just gave up on that and started making up moves that vaguely resembled the Hustle, with lots of spins and such. Our dance teacher might have turned green but we wound up having a great time after all.
Sunday afternoon and Monday night, we went to two different dance lessons - last night was followed by a social dance, where we are encouraged to dance with lots of different people.
Now, the fact that my arms are not rigid like a statue's, which is how W has thought leading was supposed to work, has been one of her complaints with my dancing in the past. I've told her, "It's hard to raise your arm to lead you into a spin if you are holding it so stiff I can't make it move!" So, halfway through the evening, it was hilarious to hear W say "Every man I dance with tells me my arms are too stiff!" I couldn't help but smile. On the way home, W also told me that she thought my leading was getting much better - yahoo!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Anyways, the interesting thing is that my approach to dealing with this has changed as a result of my DBing - along the lines of I can't control someone else's actions, just my own response to it. So, I've taken a much tougher attitude of "Let D14 fail and pay the consequences" and don't let myself get so overwrought about the whole thing.
Love this Rob! Thank you - I need to keep this in mind while dealing with my three little rugrats. Can't wait to see them tonight. Hopefully this Seperation will get me to "enjoy" them a little more too. Thanks man. You sound great as always btw.
I love how the dancing seems to be such a metaphore for your R. Pretty cool.
Love that you own the idea of not being able to control anyone else's actions, only your response. Isn't that just about the best bit of knowledge you've gained out of this experience?
As a teacher, really, really learning this, owning it, has transformed my classroom.
I never want to go back, but aren't you a little bit happy for this whole experience? I am...
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
) Anyways, the interesting thing is that my approach to dealing with this has changed as a result of my DBing - along the lines of I can't control someone else's actions, just my own response to it. So, I've taken a much tougher attitude of "Let D14 fail and pay the consequences" and don't let myself get so overwrought about the whole thing.
but we wound up having a great time after all.
