Won't give her up...

[ourcrisis]

lonelyolive,

Honesty is also a big virtue for me so I have asked him to be honest. Unfortunately, while h is basically a honorable person, he also believes a little white lie is OK, which is different from me who is basically "too honest" for everyone's sake.

I am trying to evaluate h as what he was before. Was your h basically a honorable person, good husband before? If that's the case, personlly IMHO there is reason to see that he is trying to work on R, just cannot get ow out of his life for whatever (stupid) reason. That probably will take time. If, on the other hand, your h has not been a "good" husband all along, then you may want to think about what this means. I also dwell on negativity often and I have to try to look at the whole situation objectively, remembering the positive things he says as well as the negative things he says.

One thing about the PA with OW. As you are ML still, you may want to remind him about safety. I told mine "don't ever trust the birth control issue on women, let alone the other stuff like disease". Not sure if that got through to my h (though now mine is EA) but may be yours would listen. It is just not a good idea for all involved if any issues regarding pregnancy happens now. Just thought I'd share that since that was an important issue for me.

Detaching is so hard esp. when h is nice. Personally I am trying to separate "working on R" and "detaching". I continue to work on R because so far, I still love him and believe that our marriage can be great once we are pass this (also knowing full well there lots of work will be needed). At the same time, I am "working on myself" being happy, having a life outside of h, doing things that I never do because "before, family comes first". You want you to be happy, with h or without h. It won't be easy as I am still struggling. Hate it when the radio has songs that touches my heart. Stay strong, take care.