Patience, Love and (really) long suffering

[Phoenix_spark]

Thanks Cat. It's wierd how if I were to look at today's interaction compared to the days post bomb, I would say things are back on track. However, W is really smart and she might have something rationalized in her mind why S/D is the only way to go. But I do think she does realize that she really doesn't have firm ground to stand only, nothing that most people would agree with. I swear W is bipolar, but it's not my field of expertise, perhaps it just the "alien" that in her body right now.

I am fearing February. I am the type of guy that likes to treat his girl right for V-day. Not consistent with the detached style I live in now. Perhaps I'll just have to call it at game time.

[cat03]

am fearing February. I am the type of guy that likes to treat his girl right for V-day

awww, that's sweet. There is no reason why you can't still celebrate it, maybe downscale it a bit (call off the turtledove singing messanger ) but still go somewhere nice for V day.

[BeingMe]

I guess it's still a waiting game for you, Phoenix. Whatever you found, it sounds as if you are still in control of yourself, and detached. I know it's going to be difficult not to do the whole V-day thing (I am also an ol' romantic, but learned that my H isn't, and I can count on one hand how many times in almost 21 years of M that he has made any kind of effort for V-day - sigh). Here's a thought ... why not make a fuss of your D's. Buy them flowers, cards, chocolates, or whatever, and take them out to lunch (I don't remember if you have any sons, so if you have, take them with to lunch). Then, just do the dinner thing with your W, and give her a card.

Anyway, whichever way the wind blows, I hope it's not too cold a month.

[Phoenix_spark]

Yes my girls would love that, I think that's a great idea. The boys would just want the chocolate.

[WCW]

Phoenix, be a little careful with your line of thought that W needs to rationalize or have firm ground to stand on to S/D. We can't understand what they're thinking, and in all honesty I don't think they can explain it to us if we asked.

A Valentines Celebration with the kids would be cool! you have some teenage daughters right? You could make them gush! Make everyone dress up a little, no ratty jeans or worn out tennies. A sit down place with cloth tableclothes, a little candlelight, real waiters/waitresses. Wouldn't that be fun with the kids? A good lesson in 'how I'd like to be treated in a R when I grow up.'

Or pie would be good.

[Phoenix_spark]

So true about the lack of reasoning. Too often I forget to remember that there might not be any logic involved her at all. I do very much like your idea of V-day with the kids. Both of my girls will love that.

The rollorcoaster ride for the weekend was very extreme. Factor in being sick and you could imagine how happy I was to be back to work. Hardly can stay alert at desk, but at least I have peace.

[Phoenix_spark]

Hey DB friends out there. I don't know if all of you are MTV fans but there is one show on there that has potential. It's the one where there is a girl talking to two possible dates. However, in a truck close by one of her friends is sitting there listening to the conversation and running it through lie detection software. Do you think they could set me up with the software, the truck and the friend telling me the results in my ear. I suspect that in short order W would pick up that I knew a lot more than I should, then shut down fairly quick. I'd definely want it video taped.

Just had to throw that one out there.

[cat03]

wow, i'm cable/satellite challenged, though that program sounds interesting. The things that people come up with!
One show that really got to me was the one (forget what channel, H and I were in a hotel when watching it) was about people being busted by their S while they were cheating. Talk about de javu! it was so sad, this guy just cried, seing picts and confirmation that when he was away his W would have someone over. Then, *horror* they'd sneak up on the unsuspecting couple and all hell broke loose. The guy jumped on the OP and tried to tear him appart. Needless to say it created a small crisis w/my H and I, he thought it was amusing to see that show, jeez.

Anyways, hope your W comes to the realization that holding and hiding the past isn't going to help anyone.

[Phoenix_spark]

Oh yes, I've watched that one too. Isn't it amazing how most of them don't relize the parallel to them. On quite a few of them I am blown away by the lack of guilt or the ability to admit wrong doing. But, I guess as we have learned here, it's an alien your dealing with. There is also the being involved with someone you know is cheating on their spouse, what really do you expect will happen to you? I guess some people get more credit than they deserve.

[BeingMe]

To the cheating spouse (or, has cheated), their sitch was different to everyone else's. My H still doesn't recall half of what happened, or was said. I think it is a self preservation thing. I've also watched that show where the cheater gets caught, and it blows me away at how many of them blame their H or W or GF/BF for their cheating. I think there is some part of them that just didn't grow any empathy.