I am sorry about the letter and can understand why being optimistic is too much to ask for.
If it is any easier, look at it on a day to day basis.
When you get up in the morning, just focus on a few things and know that by the evening you will see your H in your dreams. Hopefully over time you will have accomplished some of your goals such as getting in shape.
Sorry I am not good at providing words of encouragement.
