Bizarre situation

[geordie]

After months of watching these boards I now really need some advice on my situation. I am a Brit in the US for 6 yrs with my British H and baby. Several major life events in the past 2yr and 12 months ago moved states, new jobs, baby in tow, no family/friends. Six months later (Aug 06)I find out about H's affair with co-worker which he initially denied (H and I work in same place but different positions and shifts). Was completely blindsided; no hint this was coming although in hindsight can see the factors that led to EA and PA (we moved to US for my career, I am workaholic, not much intimacy since S born etc).

Never believed in counselling (typical Brit) but as a last resort asked if H would consider it. Shocked that he did and said he wanted to try again with our R. However, he was lying to C as still with OW even though she had just moved 2hrs away. It's not easy trying to discuss R issues with toddler climbing all over; no family/friends near so had no-one to leave S with while we talked/cried. I admitted my part in the breakdown and made steps to address problems. Went to UK in Sept 06. Had terrible time; H told me he wanted OW and not me. Found emails from OW describing everything they had done, how they will be married and have kids etc...wanted to vomit. Had to face a journey back to US alone with son; got home to house in US to find H had moved out. He said he would contact me in a few days even though he was primary caregiver for our son for 3 days per week...so I had no childcare.

Did the usual crying, begging etc for weeks. Found DB website a month later. Read DB book. Without realizing I had been doing some of the techniques (not constantly calling, trying to GAL etc). Since end Oct 06 H comes to the house 2 days per week to look after son (Tues, Wed) and driving 2 hours each way back and forth on both days. Returns to area on Thurs for job (still hasn't got another job even though OW has been pushing for this since Aug 06. Denies he is even looking) and comes to see me and son on way to work - it is a night shift job so comes home to sleep off nightshift on Fridays and Saturdays. Drives back to OW on Sun morning then drives back to me on Tues.

H spent Thanksgiving with OW and met her parents. I returned to UK for Christmas as couldn't face it alone in US with baby. Had a wonderful time and didn't really miss H like I thought. Came back with renewed confidence. Had been noticing baby steps and had seen some improvement recently (H leaving some things at house etc).

However, things have slid back a lot and I am now back to crying. Just as I get my hopes up that there are small improvements things happen that make me realize H has no intention of giving up OW (his soulmate!). Although he initiates most calls and still calls me "babe" he thinks I am doing fine with this situation and we are good at being friends. Thinks of me as his best friend and doesn't want to lose me - he is in and out of my life/home serveral times a week to see our son and it is killing me knowing that he is sleeping with OW (who is in 20s and he is 40). Part of me wants family back, part of me cannot possibly see how we can get over this. It is not his first PA.

Being strong and idependent and showing him I can live without him is easy because it is part of what led to breakdown. So I feel that my behaving like this is confirming what he thought - we are better as friends. Not sure that the independence thing is right for my situation.

Tonight we had bad snow and freeways at 30mph - yet he would rather drive 3 hrs in treacherous conditions back to OW than stay over in spare room even though he needs to be back here early in a.m. anyway. This has devastated me all over again and the crying and saying ILY etc started again tonight. Just don't know if I can go on living in this bizarre situation, PA been going on for 6 months, H moved out 4 months ago. Sorry this is so long but it is an odd situation that needed explaining. Please, any advice? Is there any hope for my marriage after this long?