I find the twists in your relationship interesting. Good to hear things are going in the right direction. I'd like to ask you about the following comment because my wife has often said similar things:
I was devastated, folks. This was new territory for me. I cannot believe how crappy the LD side of things is. The feeling of being judged and monitored. Of not living up to someone else's expectations. Of being in a mindframe where you just want to *prove* something about yourself. Of trying to "make up for it" by doing other non-sexual stuff. I was a textbook case and, even though I intellectually know better, I couldn't stop myself from making the classic LD mistakes. It was crazy.
The part I am referring to is about feeling judged and monitored, and not living up to someone else's expectations. With my wife I repeatedly heard the same argument until one day I realized it was not me who was at fault for this, but her. It was the Schnarchian situation where her withdrawal and avoidance was just her way of dodging the tough decision - whether to face her intimacy issues or bail. So instead she found a third option and just avoided the issue, which prompted me to keep bringing up the matter, but made me appear to be the bad guy, always pushing and blaming. So IMO, in this way she actually helped to create her own situation in which she felt she was being judged and monitored. The fact of the matter is that she was - because she would not make a decision. If she decided one way or the other, the ball would have been in my court.
What happened that you can see now in that experience? What LD mistakes are you referring to, which did you make and do you have any idea why you made them? Were you just becoming lazy and taking him for granted? Or do you think you could have been hiding or avoiding somehow? What clicked in your mind to turn that around? I'm hoping to learn another tidbit for better understanding my wife.
