Am I piecing? I am sooooo confused

[Heywyre]

Well, just when I thought things were ticking along pretty good, I get a major setback.

H is NOT computer literate (thank goodness, things could be a heck of a lot worse if he was). I am the computer geek in the household, the primary user - being I require it for the work I do.

So H meets me on his way home from work, brings me a tea and I think "wow, things are going great". He seems a little down the last couple of days but we've been talking a fair bit and I just write it off to that.

I come home and log onto the computer and go to bring up an address and see that someone (only H because he's the only other person in the house) has been looking at a newspaper online - no big deal right? Well, it is a big deal because it was the "personals" in the paper where we USED to live - where the OW still lives (and H was going to visit every single week on his day off for about 4 months before the bomb hit).

After my heart sank into my shoes and I recouperated from just about passing out, I confronted him. I tried to be calm and reasonable (not as controlled as I would have liked, but pretty good considering I felt like killing the SOB)

I asked him how he was doing, he said fine. I asked if he was dealing with things pretty well, feelings and such. He said he was dealing with them as they came up blah blah blah. So I say, "how come you were looking in the classifieds in (the city where we used to live). He says "curiousity" - that's when I semi-lost it. Curiousity? HELLO????? I know I should have let it go but we have been working so, so hard on this and making tremendous progress (or so I thought) and now I feel as though I am back to square one.

We talked extensively about it and he said he was sorry for hurting me, he didn't think it would matter to me. He didn't think it would matter - gee thanks!! I said, how can you think it wouldn't matter. His answer? Well, you're so strong.

I might be strong but I do have feelings - can you believe it?

So after I got over the feelings of finding the sharpest knife in the drawer, we agreed he is going to have to be more of an open book with me. He needs to tell me when he gets these feelings so we can talk through them (suggestion from the C) so that he won't act on them. He is convinced if H can not harbour the emotions he is feeling at the time to contact OW, he will be able to work through the emotion of it much better.

So, take away the baby steps, I feel like I have just gone back about 100 of them