It was one of many. Honestly we had to work on our communication first...but our therapist was aware from the get-go about our sexual dilemna. My H had to learn to stop reading things into what I would say to him...assuming I meant something I didn't, assuming I was out to prove him wrong about everything or make him look dumb/stupid etc. He had issues to deal with from past R's that rubbed off in our M. He often assumed a defensive posture with me because he assumed I'd behave the way some of the women in his past would...to any given comment or situation, but my personality is MUCH different from those women.
Communication and preconceived notions were the two hardest things to overcome. Communication regarding saying what we REALLY felt/though, and preconceived notions as to who we thought the other should be in our M. I thought that the man in a marriage should want sex x# of times and be the one to initiate primarily, and even initiate in a certain way....had to let that go and let him be who he is, the way he is. He OTOH...had to learn to start stepping up and meeting the needs I TOLD him I required, at least some of the time....and stop assuming I'm always out make him look dumb/stupid (he was always told how dumb he was or made to feel less than adequate about his job by women in his past).
FWIW, my H was a BIG conflict avoider too when it came to me...he's doing better now. I'll write more on all of this tomorrow.
