hhhmmmm.....sounds to early to be playful with him....may have to think of some other way to get him to open up a little.....but, on the positive side, this was info to YOU! Mental note that he doesn't want to feel like he is having to beg or plead for something. He's just not at that point yet where he sees it as a joke...that's all. One step forward...one step back...not bad! Better than two backwards right?
I agree w/FA, it is still pretty recent and chances are your H still feels low, remember, men are much better at hiding emotions than women, so his self steem is prob still in the dumps. My H also wasn't into that game at all, I tried it a few times and he'd quickly said without any humor "nothing" if I said "what are you going to give me if I find zyz you were looking for".
So dont' take it personally, ok?
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
This morning we are having "plumbing" issues and he is way more upset than is necessary, so I think there is a lot of hidden emotion going on as well. I just hope things are getting better on his side.
Our youngest is sick today and he offered to stay home with him so I could fulfill a school obligation, so that is good.
H has been talking a lot about future homes for the family, he even stopped by to see one we had been glancing at, all on his own, so I think that is a good sign.
Me 41 H 42 DD 11 DS 8 M 18 bomb 8/3/06 separating 9/18/08
This morning we are having "plumbing" issues and he is way more upset than is necessary, so I think there is a lot of hidden emotion going on as well. I just hope things are getting better on his side.
Our youngest is sick today and he offered to stay home with him so I could fulfill a school obligation, so that is good.
H has been talking a lot about future homes for the family, he even stopped by to see one we had been glancing at, all on his own, so I think that is a good sign.
Me 41 H 42 DD 11 DS 8 M 18 bomb 8/3/06 separating 9/18/08
Had a couple mostly quiet days. H and I went and looked at a house to remodel, mostly his idea, although I would like to do it too. We will have to see how the money part comes together, and if we decide to actually tackle the project. He seems to run hot and cold on the whole thing. I don't know exactly where he is on it.
So mainly we have talked about that sort of thing, he did say something that was a bit off, "it would be good for us to have a project" but I wasn't sure what he meant so I asked, and he basically didn't mean anything hidden about that, just what he said, need to stop being so paranoid.
I went up and hugged him today, he asked what was wrong, and I said I just needed a hug.
I have a history of getting too obsessed with stuff like this house thing, he moves at a much slower pace than me, and has an if it was meant to be it will be type attitude, I get all nervous and worked up about it, and obsess. I need to overcome that, I think it ticks him off that I get all gung ho, and don't just relax and be patient. It is hard though because I would like a new house and if we bought this and remodeled it like we can it would turn out so beautiful. Essentially a 3 story craftsman 4 square type house. It need a lot of work however, basically this old house type work, gut the whole thing, save the feel and be true to the design, but there isn't a tremendous amount of stuff worth saving on the inside.
trying hard to be patient in so many areas of my life
Me 41 H 42 DD 11 DS 8 M 18 bomb 8/3/06 separating 9/18/08
I have a counseling session today, just me. I have lots to discuss. I have an interview for school tomorrow, so that makes me nervous, there is all this house stuff floating around. H and I haven't really had any good talks lately, I don't know if that is good or bad, no fighting, a couple of honest statements, but no real nitty gritty talks. I got a hug a couple times lately but nothing more, and those are few and far apart. I am really missing physical touch, I can't believe he isn't as well, maybe he is, but doesn't feel ready. Sometimes I feel as if I am being punished and that he will never come around just to spite me, that is my own feelings not anything that I am reading off of him, just a paranoid feeling kind of thing. I still remember him when he was dropping the bomb saying so confidently that we will never be intimate again, of course he said we wouldn't be together either, and we seem to be. I don't know, I feel like he is testing to see if I can live in a loveless marriage for the kids. He asked me that at one point, if I could do it, I said I wasn't sure it depended on how it felt. Maybe I am still expecting things to happen too fast, I don't know.
Still remembering that little kiss after our last session, seemed like such a good step, I guess it took a long time to get there. I suppose he is still waiting for me to go back to the old ways, still not trusting me, I know that takes time
Me 41 H 42 DD 11 DS 8 M 18 bomb 8/3/06 separating 9/18/08
I am stuck in the down and outs. There is no specific reason, I just can't get all up, you know what I mean. I can't seem to sleep enough and I feel sad much of the time. I have weaned my antidepressants some, not off, but I would rather stick on the lower dose for a variety of reasons. The biggest things weighing on my mind, lack of exercise, feeling poorly about my body, feeling fat and unattractive, missing intimaticy on any level, anxiety about applying to school, general feeling of unaccomplishment. I guess it is like an extended post Christmas let down, you know what I mean. Need to get myself out of this, but struggling mightily.
Me 41 H 42 DD 11 DS 8 M 18 bomb 8/3/06 separating 9/18/08
Quote: Sometimes I feel as if I am being punished and that he will never come around just to spite me
I've actually asked my H this point blank, though my H is understandably super tired from the training at the new job and the crazy hrs. Though it did take him a few months to be intimate w/me on a frequent basis, he still felt like I was angry at him for leaving and that I might extract my revenge on him, and he told me that's why it was hard sometimes to get close to me.
When you feel down do something out of character, put on a jogging suit and go to a trail to run, take a yoga class (my H's T recommended yoga to him when he was depressed, telling him his "balance" was on the negative and he needed something like yoga) We both joined Baleys and loved it! I still go weekly and boy it is awesome! once you get started you'll love it.
Hang in there gal))) it is just one of those days, it will be all right, you got your H back, as GH says, it is a journey, not a destination.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
have been down for the past few days. I don't know if it is post traumatic type thing, from the interview, nerves about the interview, or house stress, or just this whole goofy thing.
the house is very much up in the air because we are wondering if the money for the repairs will price us out of the neighborhood, that type of thing. I am disappointed because I was really looking forward to working on the project. we interview 2 more builders for other opinions this week, so the project isn't dead in the water just yet.
just waiting on the school interview, may hear by the end of the week.
our R, has been in stalemate I guess, I worked all weekend so not much time to work on anything. Couple small happenings. Last night H laughed, his old real laugh, when he came to bed, he laughed because I was so snugged under the covers, I guess it struck him funny, I didn't mind, loved to hear the laugh, then this morning I got a hug good bye when he left to work, I have been moping around the last few days, so maybe that is why, I don't know, I don't want my bad mood to ruin the baby steps, gotta get positive.
I have to work the next couple days and it is my turn to plan a date, was thinking about skiing, but it is really cold so not sure....
suggestions?
Me 41 H 42 DD 11 DS 8 M 18 bomb 8/3/06 separating 9/18/08
