I'm new to this thing, so here's a rundown if it will help anyone lend me some insight - me 35, W 33. Together 10 years, married 8. W left to find herself. Find out later she's having an EA - turns into PA. W lives on same block as me, goes on trips to see OM. But affair supposedly ended now.
W liked way OM made her feel - understood, safe.
W says that she lost herself with me. Living under my shadow, unhappy, unfulfilled. Problems with her FOA - abuse, distance, emotional cruelty. Says I never understood. Problems with my FOA - didnt' understand her sensitivity, "walked all over" her feelings. Says I let it happen.
W says I made her feel unsure of herself.
Says she has feelings for OM even now.
I try to keep my head up. Try to listen, apply what I've learned in relation books. Listen to what she says, empathize. Can't agree with everything, but validate her feelings. Fell like dirt though. Been doing this for months, all through the affair. It always seems to threaten to startup again, makes me nervous.
How to deal with W's new selfdiscovery? What's going on? How to keep doing DB when she says some things hurt her so bad that she can't see going back to being m'd?
Counseling just reopened old wounds. Therapy all over the place. Deception about OM even during sessions. My trust is low, low.
