Acceptance

[MJontheMend]

I think part of the problem with my marriage was due to the fact that psychologically I hadn't left my father's house when I got married since I was still in college and hadn't planned on getting married. I was still covered on my father's health insurance when I gave birth to my son. My H was a very young 24 and he didn't have a "house" or even a "tent" to offer me. So I made do and scrapped by on my own resources. I feel like I really probably did my H a disservice in this regard but I'm not dying of guilt because I was just a baby myself. I actually kind of wish that I could give my H "carte blanche" to start all over again, find some younger woman for whom he could be the man. I think my ability to "follow" a man is disappearing with my abiity to ovulate and in any case I don't know if my H and I can really start the dance over and do it right. I feel like I'm going to have to be a wallflower for a long time in this relationship before our old way of dancing can be forgotten.