Good morning everbody... No need to worry about me, I'm actually doing better than I have in a long while right now. I spent yesterday sort of figuring out what I need to be doing for me right now. I am back on track with focusing on Ian again. I got so wrapped up in her wanting to "make efforts" that I tried to push for them, this was a huge mistake and I ended up scaring her away a bit. I am stepping back and getting back to what was working, no more jumping the gun. To be honest I believe that the sex was a bad idea and messed up my decision making. As soon as I started letting the wrong head make the decisions things went downhill. I don't want to get into details, suffice it to say that I pushed her on spending more and more time together and tried to shower her with Love, stupid me........
So Swashy said something to me that just really hit home and put things in perspective for me. I deserve to be pursued!!!! He is absolutely right, no more chasing for me. I want my W to come for me, I want her to be the chaser and show me that she has the desire for this to work. I already know how I feel about her, I need to give her the chance to show me what I mean to her.
I am backing off of any gesturing right now on my part. I will do only the traditional basics, her B-day is Sunday and I already got her gifts, I went overboard of course, if the kids didn't already know I would probably return them and get something basic, oh well nothing I can do there. I am going to let her dictate the pace from here on in. If she wants me to come over, she can call. If she wants to do family stuff, she can call. If she wants to have sex... never mind I would be lying if I said she would have to do anything special for this
Anyway, sorry if I worried any of you, I got into a depression over the weekend and fealt like I failed a little. I allowed my head to get swollen and believed that I knew what I was doing. I now have to admit that I lost it a bit and spun out of control. I do not do well with failures on my part and I let it hit me pretty hard. I am off to Phoenix tomorrow, not sure how much access I will have to the internet as my laptop wifi is having issues. If not I will update ya'll next Monday when I get back. I have started my new Montra each morning for the next week and thought I would share it with ya'll....
" Do for yourself today, live for yourself today, and no ti^ty bars today"
I would be lying if I said she would have to do anything special for this 
