Won't give her up...

[ourcrisis]

I am in the same situation. Bomb dropped in Oct. Since then it is just like your first post. H having his cake and eat it too. PA with OW supposedly changed to EA now due to my stupid request (couldn't detach then but I retracted my request later but for some reason he sticks to that (can trust him on this one since we're ML lots). However, he has not changed his mind about leaving me, he has only postponed his deadline from Dec to now, still in the house.

Readers, should I take this (not leaving the house) as a sign that my DBing is working and that I should just keep at it and ignore the fact that he still sees OW once/twice a week? Emotionally I still can stand it (for now) as long as the EA does not go back to PA. H still respects me and treats me well (I think he still lies occasionally about his whereabouts but really not much compared to what I think is normal at this stage).

He still sends mixed signals. Yesterday he said he wanted to change from being husband to good friend. Drove me nuts (didn't show it). Yet, he also talks about coming back to me (after he "helps" OW builing up her self esteem, yada yada yada).

I feel for you certainly. I cannot advise you as I am in the same boat. However, what I am doing myself is to work on R (act as if, 180) to try to rekindle the fire a bit (our R has
declined due to kids). I can stand him having EA, but I also
told myself, when he starts treating me badly, or begin PA
(I can trust him on that part in letting me know), that's
probably the day he will move out. If he tried to "cut ties"
with OW, may be he is really trying, just unsuccessful (My h
also failed which is why we are still in limboland). If you think he is still putting a little effort in M, you can decide whether to support him or not (by waiting out this terrible period). If he is not trying at all, then you will have to decide also. OK, I'd better stop because I am getting confused myself now. Just HUGS to you.