hey hon, all well, no A nor ow discussion, I dont' think I need to anymore. I think we had one of those discussions 3wks ago, and at this point I see it is pointless to try to extrac any info, I no longer mull over all the crap automatically, sure, it does pop in my brain but it no longer owns me. I want him to forget all about ow, so I dont make any more remarks nor use childish jabs any more, God is healing me
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Boy, it just dawn on me, how unrealistic I have been all these months, expecting my H to love me the second he stepped into the door, forgetting that the only reason he walked out of that door was because I had mispent, undervalued and abused the love he had for me.
And lo and behold! I expect him to love me w/the force he loved me when we first met, when there were no complications and we were just two lovebirds, that is just absurd!!
I was just sitting here, doing some work and it came to me, the realization that my H needs to fall in love w/me again, that the fact that I am good and ready to love him doesnt' mean he has to flip a switch and forget inmediately all the years of neglect and rejection just because I had taken him back.
I forgave him, that didnt' mean he automatically owed me his love, just like the trust that was shuttered by him needs to be restored, so his love needs to grow again. He'd almost forgotten what made him love me, he hanged on for so long, with my repeated rejections and put downs (not intentionally being cruel but being awful nonetheless).
He's hanged on for years, hoping I'd treat him like my man and the head of the household, why should I now rush him and feel insulted that he doesn't love me mere months into coming back when he only has thoughts of the past in his head?
Dear Lord, thanks for lighing this light bulb on my head, thank you for teaching me to drop the rope and let him come to me on his own.
My H had tried for years to be loving in his own way and tried to be a good man, he deserves that I give him time to find his way back to me withoug me proding him and whining as to why he isn't head over heals in love w/me.
I will gently put my love besides him instead of trying to shove it down his throat.
Phew! Just had to get that off my chest.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Quote: forgetting that the only reason he walked out of that door was because I had mispent, undervalued and abused the love he had for me.
As I did with my darling W. Makes me so sad to read this and realize the countless opportunities over years and years, I had to reinforce and build our love. How do we manage to be so blind??
I like that you're doing so well. Sometimes it's hard to keep in mind where we were and appreciate where we are today. This is most likely true for all of us including our spouses. I think keeping expectations down and just appreciating little things is good. I also think it doesn't hurt (during piecing) to express a good amount of love and affection. For example, I'm a pretty expressive person so I generally give a lot in all my relationships (friendships, parenting, family, etc...). Since my husband is someone I care about and love I'm going to express this to him too and not withhold it just because he's not as expressive to me. Hey, my kids aren't so expressive either... but that's not going to stop me with them!!!
Cat thks for helping me when I first started posting. Im gald to see your sitch has greatly improved. Im here looking for help. Keep on with the good work.
Cat -- thanks for starting this thread. I really needed to read it. So far, it needs to sink in a LOT more, and hopefully with time, I can heal with these words.
Things are still whacky in my world, but glad to hear that they are going good in your world. How far you and H have come. I am so happy for you!
Hey Cat, haven't heard from you much lately. I'll have to check out your whole tread, but it's too late to do it now. The rollercoaster continues here. Some days I just want to get off, but some aspect of life keeps pushing me back on. Send some good vibes my way.
