He said he's seeing someone new

[Ophelia]

Who says you can't have a relationship with IL's? You can do whatever you want, so long as they are accepting of it. I know lots of people that continue to have relationships with their IL's long after their relationship with their child disappears.

Glad to hear it's worked for other people. Here's hoping it'll work for me as well if it comes to the point of us not getting back together.

As for your H, do you know it is VERY common for children of parents, that have had A's, to have A's of their own? It's what they have grown up with and they think its the norm - no big deal. Sounds like your H is thinking along those lines too

Thing is, when FIL had the A, H was absolutely disgusted with him for hurting his mum. I can still remember clear as day when we were told what was going on. H stormed out and I found him huddled on the ground outside, crying and incredibly angry with his father. To this day he hasn't fully forgiven him. I pointed this out to MIL, saying that that was why I couldn't fathom why he was now doing exactly the same thing to me, (though he's justified it to himself by saying that our M was over as far as he was concerned before anything happened, so he's not "having an affair", he's just "moving on").

Back when his father's A happened, H said to me, "If I ever start acting like him in any way, I want you to tell me and pull me back into line." Well he's doing it, and I told him, but now he doesn't wanna hear and is happily going about his business, living in denial.

I don't think he considers As to be acceptable behaviour, which is why he's tried justifying it. I think somewhere inside he probably knows the truth, but can't admit it to himself and face up to the fact that he's doing exactly what his father did. He hated his father so much for a long time after the A, so the fear of hating himself that much is probably what's driven him to the easier option of denial.