Warning: VERY LONG. My SITCH. Is it too late?

[Ophelia]

Realizing the damage I have done, I wish I could speak to ppl like your WAH and tell them first hand what they are out to lose. It took me over a year and a pregnancy to get it, so don't lose heart. He will eventually see the light. For his sake I hope you still want him when he does.

I wish you, and everyone else who has seen the light could talk some sense into him, (and every other WAS out there), too. If only it were that simple! I've tried to let him know that I'm here for him for whatever, whenever. I say that to him because I'm worried about him, and wish there was something I could do to help. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure he just reads it as me pursuing and not "getting on with my life". I wish there were a way I could explain to him that that's not really what it's about at this point for me, I really just am concerned about his mental and emotional state, and that despite the fact he's been treating me like crap, that that doesn't change the fact that I'm still here for him to help him if he wants it. But there's no way I can make him see it from my point of view. Should there come a time when he does change his point of view and wants to contact me again, I will definitely be there for him.

At one point, I would have unconditionally taken her back. Now, I know in order for it to work, she's going to have to give me her mind, body, and soul. I don't want a half ass commitment.

I wish I could say that to H right now.
"Don't worry, the way we both are now, neither one of us are fit to be in a relationship with anyone, including each other. So don't worry, at this exact point in time I don't actually want you back. If we ever do get back together, which I'm still hopeful can happen down the track, we need to be in the right place emotionally, and we have to commit to it properly and start from scratch so that this time we get it right. But just because I don't believe we can be together right now, that doesn't mean I want us to be strangers, either."
I wish I could make him understand that!

Or should I attribute this to him being aware I was upset prior to coming to the gathering? H found me in the bedroom on the phone looking quite concern. I was on the phone with the bank, frustrated they had made a mistake which caused my account to be overdrawn. I shooed him out of the room. When he asked if anything was wrong, I replied with a no. H did not pursue with questioning, but stated there is something wrong. I have never been good with my finances. H had always taken care of it. I didn’t want him to be reminded of what a burden it was to handle it for me. Me, meaning my parents finances as well.

Did you ever tell him who you were on the phone with? I know you say you didn't want to burden him with the financial problems, but if he didn't know that you were talking to the bank, then he might have wondered just who you were talking to, and when there are already trust issues, creating an environment for suspicion to run rife isn't ideal.

I'm glad he's been paying you more attention. Here's hoping he continues to do so.