Please post about any lessons you have learned while going through the experience of your spouses MLC.
My beliefs have changed dramatically over the years, and especially since the seperation with my xw.
What I have come to understand and believe is this; "By the choices we make, we create our own reality."
I've learned to stop blaming others for my problems. Why? Because I have finally realized that I have played a big role in creating them. Through my thoughts, my behaviors, my attitude and my actions I create the world in which I live.
If I don't like where I am at in life, all I need to do is begin changing my thinking, my behaviors, my attitude and my actions. Over time, my world will begin to change. What is required is PATIENCE and PERSEVERANCE.
I've also thrown in a little PROZAC to help me.
There are no magic bullets or quick fixes to the problems we have been a part of creating for 10, 20, 30 years or longer during our marriage. To bring about positive, and long lasting changes for the good will take time and perseverance.
What I have learned is that I cannot change or fix others. Especially my XW. As much as I tried, I finally had to "let go."
My attempts to find the solution to my XW's MLC problems only led to great FRUSTRATION and DISSAPOINTMENT.
My belief is that the lesson for me in dealing with my XW was to learn to "let go and let God."
When I finally discovered this truth, my life changed for the better. Becoming un-stuck from trying to save my marriage, and turning my attention to myself and my own spirituality, opened my eyes to a whole new world of possibilities.
What beliefs have all of you held onto?
What beliefs don't seem to work anymore?
What beliefs have you outgrown?
What beliefs are you beginning to question?
What beliefs keep you stuck from "moving forward?"
Today's gift from Hazelden on January 25th is very enlightening.
Today's thought is;
Dissapointment and Frustration
"Many of us, whether we are conscious of it or not, create much of the unhappiness we experience. Our dissapointments are the result of our own negative or limited thoughts about ourselves and our world. What are some of those limiting thoughts, those subconscious beliefs, which keep us from experiencing joy and wholeness?
One of those beliefs is that we cannot be fulfilled unless we are loved and accepted by those who are the victims of our past experiences, that we are too old or too set in our ways to change. Still another false idea is "It's a catastrophe if things don't go my way!" Then, too, there's the self-defeating attitude that to love is to lose, so I'd better prepare for the worst to happen because it will.
Two more irrational beliefs are, I have no control over my happiness and I want life to be easy and without hassles; therefore, I'll avoid discomfort or any new committments.
TODAY I will see each disappointment in my life as a challenge to discover the negative or limited beliefs which keep me from seeing myself as a person of unlimited resources and potential."
Today's thought comes from the book, "The Reflecting Pond" by Liane Cordes.
I think many people believe that if they fail to get their spouse back from MLC land they are a failure. This is the furthest thing from the truth.
In life, there are no failures. Only learning experiences. I have learned the most from experiences that most people would consider as failures.
Everyday is a new opportunity to "begin anew." As long as you keep getting up every morning, you cannot fail. Failure is not an option.
If the door closes on your current marriage, there are unlimited possibilities for a new door opening in the future.
There are over 6 billion human beings on earth. If you lose your spouse to divorce, that leaves you with 6 billion more possibilites in finding a new soul mate. I think the odds are pretty good in finding someone to love you and enjoy life and all it has to offer.
So what are your beliefs that might be holding you back? What are your fears about change?
