I thought maybe it would be best to start a second "Moving Forward" thread.
It's been awhile since I last posted on the old thread, but there is still much to share and learn from others about moving forward.
One of the biggest fears we have is change. We get comfortable in our daily life and set patterns that have been created over many years.
Our spouses MLC creates shock to our senses and brings up all of our buried fears. For me, the fear of being alone, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of not being good enough, fear of not being loved, fear of fear itself was what rose to the surface when my XW dropped the bomb.
In long term marriages we become very complacent in our interactions with our spouse. Our lives have become very routine and predictable.
When our MLC spouse announces they are unhappy and want a seperation or divorce, it is like getting sucker punched. We never saw it coming.
We believed that marriage was forever, and didn't give mcuh thought of things being any different.
The world we live in today is, "expect the unexspected." As you may have noticed, there are many changes occuring throughout the world at what seems like the speed of light. Well maybe not that fast, but it does seem as if things are changing everyday and quickly.
The "information age" is bringing about changes in the way we live and our beliefs about life, marriage and relationships.
Change is occuring whether we are ready for it or not.
A recent message from Hazelden talks about change.
Today's thought:
"The reality is that changes are coming ...They must come. You must share in bringing them." John Hersey
"Change. It's scary. It's hard. It's needed. Sometimes it feels good; other times it feels bad. But one thing is for sure: it keeps on happening.
Just when our life seems settled, it changes. We can't stop life. We can't stay this age for ever. The world changes. Life moves on. There are always new things to do and learn.
Change means we're always beginners in some ways. We need to ask for wisdom and courage. We get it by listening, br praying, by meditating. When we ask, our Higher Power will teach us to be part of good changes."
Prayer of the Day Higher Power, help me believe that Your plans call for good changes.
Action for the Day Today I'll think about the changes in my life. I've lived through a lot. I'll be okay when more changes come, with God's help. I can keep growing.
This message came from the book, "Keep it Simple" by Anonymous.
Yesterday was the 53rd anniversary of my being born into the world. My children and grandchildren were over to celebrate and enjoy each others company. My granchildren bring pure joy.
During my life journey I have experienced many changes. All were for the best, even though they seemed like bad changes at the time.
My divorce has worked out to be a very good change for me, even though it brought up all of my fears. What it has done is helped me to face my fears and learn what they are all about.
I'm still working on them, and probably will until the day comes for me to return home. That is how it probably should be.
We are here to learn the lessons that are intended for each of us. We continue to have the same experiences, sometimes with different people, over and over until we finally learn the lessson we are supposed to learn.
For some of us, especially me, we have to repeat the tough experiences over many times before we finally "get it." I seem to learn better by attending the "school of hard knocks."
My second marriage has brought up the same issues I had in my first. The issues are not within my new wife, but within me. Changing spouses does not make the old issues go away.
Your MLC spouse has believed that their new OW/Om is their "soul mate" and there old issues have dissapeared. Trust me, it's just a matter of time before your spouses issues will resurface their ugly head again.
Learn to be open to change and welcome it as part of your growth.
