Quote: So, I have a lot going on in my mind. I'm too conflicted right now to actually do anything.
I can relate with your struggles - being used "just in case", standing, letting go, hope for reconciliation, anger, fear, to file or not to file. I feel it's due to the fact that WE, the LBS can not control the outcome. We do not like uncertainty yet if we decide to take control of how our life will be, we are then afraid of making mistakes.
So, if you decide that it is over and YOU decide to file, can you move forward with whatever the outcome will be and never second guess yourself?
Then again, if you decide you will stay the course and do so for years and your H never returns, will you second guess your decision then?
Either way, we are afraid of making a mistake and there is no certainty with either decision. Before making any decision, you need to be ready for whatever the outcome and know that the decision you made was the right decision for YOU at the time.
Quote: Rick Warren says that life is a test, a trust, and temporary. As a test, every incident in our life is an opportunity to grow, to become better than we were before. As a trust, we realize that we have been given much by our Creator and are called to both protect and nurture what we've been given. And finally we are reminded that life is temporary. There is no reason to spend this precious time caught up in things that don't bring us closer to our ultimate goal.
To stand or not to stand. Hell, that's not really even the question. To live or not to live. That's the REAL question.
The above post from Bworl is really what it's all about. If you found out that you had a few days left to live, would you have any regrets? I'm not talking about the mistakes you made in your M because we all make mistakes as has your H, I'm talking about YOU. Can you say "I have lived my life the way I wanted to?" If not, what can I change so that I do not have regrets.
If you are uncertain, then just sit still for now. If your answer to file or not file changes from one day to the next, then do nothing right now. I'll repost FIB's questions below as I think they will really help you to decide what to do.
Quote: -what do you want to do with your life? can you do it while still M'd? -are there advantages to staying M'd for you now, outside of reconciling? -if you filed tomorrow, and H didn't respond as if it were an LRT, what would you feel? are you ready to go on with life without H? -OTOH, if you filed, and H DID come back and want to reconcile, are you ready for that?
We believe that we are living our life, but if that were true then why are we still unhappy? I think it's because: - we still hold onto hope that our H's will come back, - we are afraid that if we move on, we may actually be happy and not want our H back if they decide to come back - because our H still have a HOLD on us.
You say that you believe your H is not filing until his court hearing. If you believe this to be true then you will definitely know once the hearing is over with.
Sometimes I too wonder why we allow our WAS to decide how our life will be. Their decision to leave didn't make US happy. Will their decision to file make US happy? For that matter, will their decision to come back make US happy? YOU need to think about what will make YOU happy and then GO FOR IT. As I write this to you, I realize that I am writing it to myself too.
