welcome to the boards, but - sorry that events have conspired to bring you here.
Military life, tours of duty, etc, seem especially conducive to the situation you have described.
Your first task is to try to take on board that this is NOT about YOU. It is about HIM and there is little or nothing you can do to change him. However, there is much you can do for yourself - and in doing so you are more likely to make progress with your M. I counsel you to seek support immediately from friends, family, and here on these boards, where many wise heads congregate. Read the postings here, and get the books Michele has written, espectially DR. Place faith in your higher power. Your H is on a journey of his choosing. Don't pursue him. Devote your energies for the time being on yourself and your children. You will be amazed at the results.
I appreciate it. H is taking none of the blame. Its now all my fault now. I moved on like he wanted, yet I am the bad guy and the breaker of our marriage. I NEVER once cheated on him until a few weeks ago after he told me to move on so many times because there was no hope. He said I repulsed him before but now he couldnt stand to look at me. He has put me through hell over the past 7 months, yet the deal breaker comes from what I did. I know he is hurt after only finding out last night. His mom did this to his dad (but carried on an affair for a few months) and his dad forgave her and they are better than ever. As far has H is concerned, its over and there is no way to fix it. I am absolutely distraught. When we first started this 7 months ago, I did get the DB book and it helped me tremendously. But when you constantly hear how things are over, you need to move on, etc, etc, how can you not just move on? I sat and waited for so long for things to get better and they never did. I love him with every fiber of my being, but he doesnt feel the same way. I messed up. I just got to quit crying and focus on my kids for awhile. My wish more than anything in the world would be for him to come back but as of right now, thats not gonna happen. I dont get it. I know he is hurt, but how can he be hurt when he doesnt love me anymore? I honestly thought he was the one cheating from the very beginning, but he has sworn over and over thats not the case. I still have my doubts because its fun to make me look like the bad guy. He told me that if I were to do anything that he wouldnt blame me because I had needs and he has treated me like crap for so long. He has told me this so many times, I have lost count. I wish there was some way to repair things, but I dont know. I told his mom when we first started going through all of this that if it came out that he was cheating, I could forgive him because I loved him so much. Now that he situation is reversed, I am walking around with the scarlet letter. He even told his mom he had decided to stay for the kids. Well, was he really gonna stay or is he just trying to make me look like the bad guy here? Either way, we are both to blame, yet I am the one taking the brunt of it all. It sucks and I will just go cry and deal with it.
