I made a huge mistake..

[BluePoet]

I honestly did not think he would care because he told me he didn't love me and in fact, even suggested when he got from sea that we bring other people into our marriage.

Don't know quite what to say... My STBX told me he didn't love me the least little bit anymore, and so I got into a new R myself -- which I am quite happy with. But then, I chose rather carefully and made sure that whether I stay in it or not, I will be better for having had another R. If STBX ever wakes up (and changes) and I get back with him, or whether the new R doesn't last, I will know how to cook and so anyone would benefit.

Will he blame me down the road? Quite possibly, but throughout 30 years of marriage he didn't really try to meet my needs and was making me dependent, even though I kept saying things were going wrong and I wanted an allowance and for him to stop taking care of me so much. So leaving me completely high and dry and expecting me to just live completely alone without a man in my life was unrealistic.

Frankly I think the WAS just do whatever they can to deflect the blame from themselves -- when really it's the fault of both parties. They feel guilty, so they can't stand even the littlest bit of blame. Telling other people it's your fault as if that were end of story is absolutely unfair. Did he confess to his mom that he had told you it was over and he did not love you? Because any sane person could see the hurt involved in that and see that the guilt should be shared, not put on one person.

Yes, you made a mistake, compounding his mistake. But expecting someone to not need comforting at such a time is unrealistic. Then too, perhaps you needed to test whether it was really over for both of you and that's why the PA. In any case, you will find a lot of us here that have messed things up one way or another, so take comfort in the fact that you are not alone!

BluePoet