Wise words from Carol

[BluePoet]

Very nice post.

In my case, because of my sitch I don't think I can hang out the two or three years alone and so I am in a new R, which will leave me better than I started (cooking skills, new hobbies, etc.) It also helps me 180, since, if I don't want to talk about my R, then I don't expect the STBX to tell me about his. As you say, I don't want to hear about his, because then I would have to talk about mine and I don't want to do that either. Though I think he is not "with" OW at this point, I feel that they are still talking and possibly going out occasionally. I know he bought her a Christmas present (cheap one).

I can see down the road perhaps having to choose between the new guy and my ex, but frankly right now a lot would have to happen (changes in STBX) to make me leave the current R. Besides that, I also intuitively feel that there is much more to STBX's R with OW than he has told me. Otherwise why so much secrecy? (He doesn't give me his address, for instance, though he can check on me whenever he pleases, seems to be getting most of the bills through a post office box, etc. This kind of secrecy and he expects me to go through mediation??? That's just wierd, and I don't trust him anymore.)

"Yes, My H was protective of HER in the first year or two...but, that slowly
changed. Partly as a result of my not being seen as the big bad wife anymore
and partly because he began to see that she wasn't the angel he hoped she'd
be.

I think I will end up being the big bad wife for a while, because I refuse to move out of the house until I can put a down payment on a place of my own (when one of the properties gets bought). That stalls things as far as STBX is concerned, but I feel he owes me that. I told him I will not go back into renting again. I don't feel old, but I am definitely too old to mess with rent increases year after year after having owned our own home for over 15 years!

BluePoet