LOL Maybe we have been hijacking over on Hair Dog's post. The topic is appearance. It is interesting I think. Because while I do think plastic surgery can be very evasive and a hard topic to bring up or expect from a spouse I do believe appearance is important. I CAN understand that men ARE visual.
I am thinking of a couple I knew back when. The wife had gained 200 pounds. She wore sweats with food stains on them. She wouldn't wear deoderant and had big pit stains. She was mad as heck when her husband finally got up the nerve to say something. She thought she should love her the way she was. I understand we can gain weight with pregnancy. But we can lose it with enough will power. The same with men in relationships. I have seen this scenario also....
Take my FIL for instance. He told my MIL she had not better get fat. Now he did this before marriage so she married him knowing this. But see he don't hold himself to that standard. He is about 40-50 pounds overweight. Has let his teeth go and is in need of major dental restoration. He will sit around the house in just shorts. It's like he has no clue how unappealing he is at all. But yet downs anyone who is overweight.
Well, I guess I'm a bit of a romantic because I think the whole appearance issue is one of those things that is true but not true. It's easier to love someone who is beautiful by objective standards but it's also easier to think someone you love or who loves you is beautiful even if they aren't so much by objective standards. That's why we are all so jealous when we see a shriveled up old couple in their 80s who still look at each other with love and even desire.
I mean if you gathered all the LD, much-desired,wives of the HD men on this BB into a room and you gathered all the HD, not-desired, wives on this BB and put them in the other half of the room, would you be able to tell which group was which based on appearance? I highly doubt it. I also doubt that you could figure out which group was which based on outward signs of sociability, shyness, bossiness, radical feminism or conservative/liberal tendencies. It's really sort of a mystery. I mean I am an averagely attractive 42 year old woman and there are men who could love and desire me and therefore find me beautiful or at least "beautiful enough" for their purposes-LOL. But that can change. We can make ourselves "ugly" in many ways in a relationship although usually we aren't conscious of the process; it's just entropy in action.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Maybe I have been giving the wrong impression on the other thread. Looks do matter to me, but the reason is because of the underlying feelings that go along with them. Sweat pants and a tank top can be hellatiously sexy if the woman inside them wants them to be. BUT, chances are a woman in sweat pants is less tuned into sexuality than one wearing FMPs, a hot red dress, and black panties. So I have done some encouraging of my wife to dress up more, because I like how she looks in those outfits, and I have a feeling it will inspire her to be more feminine in all aspects of her life. So yes, I think looks are important, both in dress and in physical fitness, but primarily as far as it affects your outlook on life. If you avoid sex with your H because you think your boobs are too small, fix it.
But of course, that is just my humble opinion. I know there are a lot of guys out there that feel that big boobs and a super-fit body are essential components of attraction. More power to them. That is not me. I'll give a big-breasted, fit bodied woman an appreciative glance if she walks by, but a woman confident of her sexuality and "womanness" is much more powerful for me. All the other stuff just seems to take care of itself when a woman acts like a woman.
Regards, Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
As a woman speaking I don't think there is anything wrong with you finding certain outfits sexy and wanting your wife to wear them to look sexier for you. Many women would appreciate the feedback into what their husbands find sexy. Because a lot of women like to look sexy for their husbands.
I guess this topic really stirs up emotions because like Cobra said, his wife mentioned she was insecure about her tummy and he told her while you fix that fix your boobs. Because it's what he likes. That I think is over the top a little. Her dressing and not showering that I can understand. I guess in the two scenarios I brought up in my last post where to show that I sometimes think yes men are visual but they don't hold themselves to the same standards. Meaning they want what they want and don't care about keeping themselves up to accomodate that hot sexy wife they desire.
Meaning they want what they want and don't care about keeping themselves up to accomodate that hot sexy wife they desire.
I don't believe in double standards. If that is the case then the woman should tell her man to get off his butt and hit the gym. But if she doesn't say anything, why should he care?
Part of this issue is that people really do have different aesthetics sometimes. For instance when I responded to my H's desire for me to dress more attractively by choosing to wear more youthful hip-hop style clothing, I got wolf whistles on the street but my H didn't like it. He likes it when I dress in what I would call "boring lady that lunches while her boring husband plays golf" style. Everybody wants to look good or should want to look good if they are caring for themselves but there is room for differences of opinion on the matter.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
When I am connected with my wife I find her beautiful and Iwant to spend time with her. When we are physically estranged I still find her beautiful, but I would rather be somewhere else. I don't know how others feel about this, but if could somehow go back in time I think I would marry a plain and slightly overweight woman that just adored me instead of the lovely ice-princess that I chose. My wife is gorgeous. . . she just isn't that into me I guess. . . and boy that just sucks.
My bf is drop-dead movie star gorgeous, but when we are estranged, I also would rather be somewhere else.
Looks don't matter as much as confidence AND the all important Personal Hygiene. The guy I sometime refer to with whom I was intimate off and on for over 22 years was a big guy-- probably 225 or more (at about 5'11"), but he was fastidious in the hygiene department (ALWAYS showering immediately before intimacy... although he didn't particularly want me to ).
I'm thinking about "Sex in the City" when Charlotte married that chubby bald Jewish lawyer, but he absolutely adored her. THAT was sexy! Just as sexy as Samantha's boy-toy (who ALSO adored her).
Because it's what he likes. That I think is over the top a little. Her dressing and not showering that I can understand. I guess in the two scenarios I brought up in my last post where to show that I sometimes think yes men are visual but they don't hold themselves to the same standards. Meaning they want what they want and don't care about keeping themselves up to accomodate that hot sexy wife they desire.
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