Going through MLC is very similar to going through the Grief Process.
It does not have a set timeline nor does it have a set pattern. No two people grieve exactly alike and no two people go through MLC exactly the same way.
Some go through MLC faster and smoother some go through with many experiences that create damage to relationships and careers, and some never leave the MLC experience.
There is no way that I am aware of in telling where a person is at and how long before they leave MLC. They can go through a certain part of the experience and down the road go back and relive that experience all over again.
Only you can decide on how long to hold onto hope. If it will take another 5 years for your H to get through this, will you wait? How about 10 years?
There is talk about the average being between 3-5 years. It's like telling a person that they have between 3-5 years left to live after being diagnosed with cancer.
There are always the extremes where some may die within 3 months and some will live for 20+ years and everything in between.
My sense is, that the longer the MLC lasts, the lower the % of success stories.
I say this for one major reason. The LBS grows tired of living their life waiting and hoping for a miracle to happen.
Their comes a point where the LBS decides it's time to "move on" with their life. This "moving on" can mean different things to different people.
For some it means closing the door to the possibility of a future reconciliation. To others, it means to get on with ones live and enjoy everday and all the beauty of life itself. They let go of all expectations and move forward open to all possibilities.
There are unlimited possibilites when one is open to whatever life brings. There are limited possibilities when one holds on to only a certain outcome as the only option.
Whatever you decide will be right for you. No one can tell you when is the right time to "let go" or that you should hold out for getting back together with your H.
I hope this helps in thinking through what is best for you.
Love, Paul
Paul, Thank you so much for pulling me in off of the ledge.
I am desperately trying to not to close any doors, I love my H. That is I love the man that he was, the passive aggressive, controlling monster that shows up on my door regularly who resembles my H I dislike very much.
It is frustrating being on the receiving end of all of this. I try to keep my chin up, I try to stay motivated by keeping myself busy, focusing on my kids and other family members, I try to keep myself motivated by reading this site and looking for any inkling of change.I try to figure out how much more of this I can stand and still look myself in the face, wondering am I just being a fool. I pray and have developed a closer relationship with God. I thank Him for my friends who are sometimes literally propping me up.
I admit I did great damage to our relationship but H is now killing it altogether- almost pouring acid on it.
I am trying not to rush to any decisions which is why I post here and ask questions and look for insight but ... I am feeling my threshold for pain tolerance drawing closer and I have delivered 3 kids with no meds ...
I am not sure that I would move on to the point of closing the door to all possibilities at this stage but I know that that decision is lurking on the horizon.
