I would reply in kind to your last post, but in it's entirety, I still sense a real lack of understanding that HIS perspective is different.
Sure, to YOU the sex is porn-star quality and even describing it as such leads me to believe that you have some preconceived notion of what sex SHOULD be to a man, and more than that, to your H. You talk of learning his secrets and living them out...maybe he didn't want that? Maybe they were his secrets and he wanted to keep them that way. Hell, even if I liked to imagine (and I am not saying I do for God's sake, lol) sock puppets doing reenactments of Hamlet when I ML, I would be mortified if my W showed up with socks on her hands the next night saying something about ghosts and danger.
My point is that it SOUNDS like all of what you think you know about your H is based on your perception of the world and how things should be. Obviously, he doesn't share that perception.
Are you SURE he values the things you have done in the bedroom? From what you said, he doesn't so much and yet you say you were doing them for him...so why not stop and find out what he really does like? I think in reality, what you have done in the bedroom, and in the entire relationship is much more about what YOU want, which is fine for sure, but don't get mad when it turns out that he doesn't like it. I should know, I did the same thing in my marriage.
I know in my case this is true. I THOUGHT everything I did was about HER, but in truth, it was about me wanting to think I had things figured out, that I was the perfect husband, father, etc. When I started to find out that I was not those things, the $hit hit the fan big time.
My entire self-esteem was wrapped up in being the perfect man for her but you know what? I left out one VERY important step...finding out what that was. I ASSUMED, based on some stereotypical understand of what MOST women want, and my own "perception" that I knew what my W needed. BOY, I was wrong as hell.
When I started to understand what she really did want, it was too late...she was getting it from some other guy. When I found out that it really was ME, the REAL me, the me that existed before all the "trying to be perfect" came along, was the thing she REALLY wanted, I was devastated because it exposed the folly of what I was pretending to be all these years. I could have just been me and we'd BOTH been a lot happier. Instead I convinced myself that I needed to be different and in doing so, talked myself out of a pretty good marriage.
In your case, when he first met you your H didn't know anything about you as a wife, mother or anything else. In the beginning, there was ONLY the spiritual, only the "real you" that he got to know. Being that woman again, without all the added toys designed to be his "catnip" may make you a lot happier, and remind him of what he love about you in the first place.
GH
P.S. Either that, or I don't know what the hell I'm talking about...I'm split between the two, lol.
