What if it is not mlc? We don't know much on that, as most of us have been so focused on the mlc syndrome.
What do you hope to find as a magic answer to mlc? Most of us would not still be here months or years later if there was one.
She could be mlc, or quarter life crisis, or just running away to someone else. There is another article on this forum, or the fortysixty.com site, about the evolution of an affair. It lays out how they begin innocently enough between acquaintences or friends and evolve into life crisis.
The runaway spouse can not LOVE two people at one time, and has become certain they love the other new person. This addictive new endorphine rush is hard to combat. The more you try, the more you are pushing the spouse into a corner they will defend to your death.
Of course, the best way for them to avoid the pangs of guilt for all their lies, all their deciet, cheating and adulterous acts ... is to end the M. At the very least they must convince you this is your fault and that you must let them go.
Now, read the DB or DR book. At least read some of the newcomer Do and Don't rules for DB on this forum. Examples:
Stop Begging Immediately ... it puts them in that corner Do not discuss the M, or R ... you won't like the answers Do not discuss the Affair ... see above
You can be a wonderfully happy person for them to see, if you can be a wonderful actor.
You can do things to distract yourself, and begin to forgive yourself because friend, you did not cause this. They will be happy to let you think so. It serves their need to be guilt free very well.
Contrary to some other web guidelines, do not snoop. See above, you will not like the answers.
MLC can run its course. MLC can not be discouraged or counseled away. The M will not always survive MLC. It is not in your control. The only thing you control is you. Do this. Defend your sanity. Do not focus every breath on this, even though the rest of us all do/did/might.
Get a book on understanding mlc, learn what it is if you think it is behind this. There are several by Conway. MLC will almost always be accompanied by an affair(s), spending, new clothes, new friends, right out of the books.
This is more about her childhood years, percieved lost youth, and low self esteem than anything. You can not change history or her own perceptions of life. If she is mlc, she in entering a time of change and must go there alone; unless you can accept and tolerate all the sh!t that comes with a mlc partner. It is a toxic life to exist on.
If you don't resist her wanting her own place, money, and freedom ... she may allow you to continue to be her absentee H for a couple years while this runs its course ... or not. Is that what you want in life for yourself?
Life wants you to let her go emotionally (mentally detach), but be her friend if you can, and be there for her when this all passes ... in a couple years, or five. I am not trying to make you feel better. We can't. I won't lie to you.
You are not alone, and we are all here to help if we can. Our best help is going to be to guide you toward knowledge and saving your sanity while you deal with this in whatever manner you choose. Many here have chosen to "stand" for their M, even after it was lost. Some have seen victory. We are an assorted sack of nuts!!!!
