Is my Wife having a mid-life crisis?

[ktp]

Hi,

I found out almost 3 weeks ago that my wife of 3.5 years (co-habited for 8 years, together for a total of 10 years) was having a short affair with another man (and still is).

She is 32 and I am 33.

She has decided that she wants to get out more and enjoy life (I can be a homely person and have quite a stressful job) and there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop her. We are to be legally separated as soon as possible.

With 24 hours of me discovering her affair she was looking for a place to stay and some 2/3 weeks later she has almost got somewhere.

I quickly involved a solicitor to make sure I knew what could happen financially and there is a possibility in the next few weeks that we can come to a financial agreement.

The bit I don't get (maybe I'm just too weak to understand) is that she has absolutely no interest in saving our marriage.

We didn't fight (physically or verbally) - we just drifted apart and didn't communicate like we used to. We took each other for granted and forgot why we were together. She says she has known that the marriage was over for some time and spent a lot of time grieving but never really told me about it.

Now all this has happened I'm happy to take a big share of the blame - I know where I went wrong (she's confirmed these things) and I know what I need to do to change. But she says it is too late, the damage is done and there is no chance.

I've suggested counselling etc. but again she has shown no interest. She has given me the "I love you, but I am not in love with you line".

She says she still cares for me and doesn't want to hurt me and this is one reason she has to get away from me and never see me again as quickly as possible.

I've tried very hard to agree with everything she has said and avoid conflict but this has been difficult. I've also tried hard not to plead with her but I've had to tell her that I do love her - If I didn't and she leaves then I would never forgive myself.

She admits she may be going through some sort of crisis but feels so sure that us not being together is what she MUST do.

I've been struggling to come to terms with this as it really did come out of the blue for me, despite there being warning signs I stupidly thought it would never come to this.

Foolishly we slept together last night, she was drunk and it just happened – before it happened she said it wouldn’t change anything and would never happen again – today she confirmed this.

My wife has always been strong willed to the extent that she is very seldom wrong in her own mind - she has openly been persuading herself that this is the right thing to do.

Is this MLC - do I have any chance of salvaging something from my marriage other than my own sanity?

Many thanks in advance for any insight.

K