So my H sent me an e-mail asking for a couple days to get his head around.... and he said that things didn't have to be this way... WTF?!?!?!?!!?

I don't understand him at all....

I am afraid that if I file the divorce I will still take him back and that's a waste of money....
I don't want to take him back...but it's hard for me not to...
How do I steel myself again him?