Maybe I wasn’t too clear. I know Lil is quite well differentiated. I mean that her BF is not, and does not seem to want to rush the process either. He is the one feeling left out, moping about, feeling helpless, drifting with no purpose. I agree that it is truly HIS problem. But his attitude is affecting Lil nonetheless. So what can she do?
She can do nothing and wait for him to pull himself up on his own, usually after hitting rock bottom as the AA 12 steps recommends. During this time she might grow depressed and upset (understandably) waiting for him to come around. Or she can do something to make him feel inspired enough to help himself. That is re-enmeshing to be sure. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t. But I think it might be worth a try if the current method is not moving along fast enough for her.
I also think this requires firm boundaries to prevent her (and you) from slipping into enabler mode. Carrot and stick.
