Mojo is 42

[MJontheMend]

This is actually a good example of why too much differentiation can backfire.

I think you showed some good insight into Lil's BFs reaction but I wonder why you choose to suggest that she was hurt due to "too much differentiation". I would say that she was hurt due to "not enough differentiation". She was differentiated enough to be "up" even though her BF was "down" but she wasn't differentiated enough to remain "up" even though her BF acted in a way to bring her "down". Why is the answer for her to "re-attach" in an attempt to bring him "up" too? Why shouldn't she just strive harder to recognize the motivation for his hurtful remark, as you did, and thereby rise above it? It seems to me that if she is able to consistently "not react" to such remarks that will be an effective way to reduce his motivation for making such remarks. (I should note here that I'm offering this advice to myself as much as Lil since our situations are similar in this regard..

If I were to buy into what you are suggesting,Cobra, what I would probably do is try to figure out how to finagle taking on my H as a business partner. However, I tried this in the past and it was a big failure and I don't want to repeat the same mistake. Actually, the topic came up recently in a roundabout fashion and my H said "If you could do that (figure out how to financially manage taking him on as a business partner) I would marry you.". He said it in a joking manner but it still kind of p*ssed me off.