MoJo, Happy birthday and (((((Hugs))))) to you. I am understanding a little more about Enmeagram types. My brother was depressed for a very long time when I lived with him and his W when I was in the 6 th grade, so I saw what it was like, how depression played out in the family dynamics. My very quiet brother had some ETC's. Very few drug options in 1956. It sounds like your H is doing better than my brother's condition.
Good post Mojo, I always like your openness, direct language, and creative writing. I see personal growth in the topics you post.
It is good your sister was diagnosed early, frightening situation but it sounds like you all made plans to get around some of the losses.
but also to realize "Hey, I've 'been there, done that' myself, though perhaps in a different fashion due to my own unique style of dysfunctioning.". Then you can feel free to offer them a little charity and also cut them a little slack but realize that you don't "owe" them a lend of functioning anymore than you would be "owed" one if the situation was reversed. The old rule "neither a borrower or a lender be" is way more true in terms of emotional functioning than it is in terms of money. If you actually have extra to "give", you'll just do it naturally and no rotten feelings will ensue.
That is good/freeing advice, about not owing someone something.
I also relate to the borrower/lender comment. I wonder how to be supportive and how leaning on eashother for some of our emotional support impacts our R.
Several years ago, I didn't notice when I jumped into the pit but I do know. Sometimes it is after the fact. Sometimes I notice as I am about to jump in. And sometimes I can see the pit jumping before I do it.
It takes a calm person to acquire this skill. I think you have it Mojo.
To which he replied "I am 18 so I don't need to listen to your advice anymore.". To which I replied "You are right. Good luck!". That is a tough situation to be in, son droping out. Remember MoJo, college starts 3 or 4 times a year and there are some people going half-time. Don't let anyone say they have to wait a year to start again or take X credits to be a student.
College is not like highschool. Getting a college degree is earning 1 to 4 credits at a time till the course work is finished.
I have been in classes with students that had a 24 credit load, and students that take classes that are 3 credits, where they only go every other semester.
