Quote: So providing a level mood yourself, keeping yourself busy, checking on him every now and then, but NOT jumping in the pit with him-- that's perfect. And I think you're very close to the next step (if not already there), which is to do this because it's best for you, and not as a resentful reaction to what you perceive as character weakness on his part. Very good job!
Thanks. I realized that trying to "ignore" my H (though a better option than jumping in the pit with him or trying to "fix" things) was just another sort of reactive defense mechanism on my part. It seems to me that the healthy response to any sort of low-functioning behavior from others is to feel sorry for them but also to realize "Hey, I've 'been there, done that' myself, though perhaps in a different fashion due to my own unique style of dysfunctioning.". Then you can feel free to offer them a little charity and also cut them a little slack but realize that you don't "owe" them a lend of functioning anymore than you would be "owed" one if the situation was reversed. The old rule "neither a borrower or a lender be" is way more true in terms of emotional functioning than it is in terms of money. If you actually have extra to "give", you'll just do it naturally and no rotten feelings will ensue.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
