Well, right now there is a big 'ole elephant in the room. She's wondering if you found it and is embarrassed. You are wondering if she is indeed wondering if you found it and that's why things are strained right now or if it's just the changing of the sheets.
Right?
So freakin ask her.
Write her a card and leave it for her to find when you leave.
Appologize again for the apartment mess up. Then let her know that things feel strained again and you are wondering if perhaps it is because she is wondering if you found her battery operated friend. Then nicely tell her that you in no way see anything to feel embarassed about. You certainly did not expect her to stop having pleasure while apart any more than you stopped.
you could also add that you've heard using batteried operated friends can be fun while your together as well.
also, just clearing the air.... you feel like there's an elephant in the room... you feel like an ----, hope we can move beyond and possible experiment with the idea when you get back......
Again, it's your call. Just offering another alternative.
Ian - sorry about your day. It sucks!!! It's like one minute we are great, the next we are down. I know how it feels b/c sometimes I feel like I can't do anything right without it being taken out of context. Hang in there .. I think she is just embarrassed, that's all. I agree with Julie - drop it, act like it never happened and move on. If you ponder on it too much it will become a big sore that will keep bleeding and never heal.
Me: 39 H: 41 M: 19 years 5 Kids: S18,D15,D12, D 18 MONTHS, D 3 MONTHS Bomb: 9/11/06 BACK TOGETHER: JUNE 26, 2007
Well Julie, funny you should ask. My weekend sucked very badly. I spent most of it in a severe depression. I drank way too much. I talked way too much to my W, and I am leaving for Phoenix on Wednesday so I'm nervous as hell about that as well.
Does that tell you how I'm doing??? All I can say at this point is thank God for Swashy and Shoe.... very rough night Saturday. I'll post more later when I am up to it. I did meet with my IC this morning and had a great session with him. I just need to stay focused on work for today and all will be well.
Thanks for checking in on me though, wish I could share more, but now's not the time for me, don't want to slide back into the depressed mode.
thanks for the nice comment Ian.. glad I could help
found out about affair 8/06 H moves out Nov/06 D final 8/07 X re marries OW 5/08 _________________________ Courage does not always roar, sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying... " I will try again tomorrow". -- Mary Anne Radmacher
Ian, my friend, I'm really sorry to hear things are going poorly for you. However, I also continue to believe that you and your W are going to come out of this OK in the end.
Emotions are clearly running hot this week. Don't panic about the trip - remember back in the beginning of DBing where everything we did felt like it was "now or never" crisis? I know you're feeling that way now, but remember - as we've both told other people countless times - time is on your side. Back off and let this short time apart allow things to simmer down for you. Use the weekend as a cooling off period, and come back from your trip refreshed, full of PMA, and ready to start back up that hill. You can STILL do it!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
I was just checking in to see if you are ok !? No advice from me btw.. just send us up a "sign" so we can sort of quit worrying about you for the moment ?, Ok ?
You will have these peaks and valleys btw.. It is ok.. feel it buddy ! You are alive and kicking !
Ian - hope you are out having a good time with your buddy tonight. Ejoy yourself - you deserve it. Continue to give her time and space and focus on yourself I truly think that you'll come out of this with everything you want.
