Working towards home

[shoeprincess]

Hey Ian TMI... (did it involve eating carrots)? lol

[sofaraway]

Oh boy here I go again... today/tonight has been horrible ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Patience has apparantely lost his touch. I believe that I may have over done it with the W. I was talking with Swashy and told him that I cannot believe that I forgot all that I have learned so damn quickly. I went and pursued my W and went over the top. I am feeling like such a complete and utter idiot for not thinking clearly and doing my thing just as I have been for months now.

Months ago my W and I discussed our living arrangements and how privacy is very important to her when she is in the apartment. For those of you who don't know my W and I share an apartment, I am at the house one week while she is at the apartment, the next week she is at the house and I am at the apartment. I know, kind of new age, but it has worked great up until this week. My W went to New Orleans for an overnight business trip and I went in and put new bedding on her bed to surprise her when she got back. My intentions where great, but I should have thought ahead about the invasion of privacy aspect. I ended upi finding her ummmm self pleasure toy in the bed, and descretely put it back under her pillow when I made the bed with the new bedding.

Well, today when she got back from new Orleans she phoned me and asked who was in the apartment. I told her me and could hear in her voice that she was pissed. I know now that I should have called her first, I just didnt really think about it, all I thought was how thrilled she would be to see the new comforter and bedding.... WRONG.... she fealt as though I invaded her privacy. Scott is probably accurate that she is a little embarassed by what I found, I certainly didnt intend to find that.

So i feel horrible, I feel like I hurt her, and I feel like I made a huge mistake by not thinking before hand of the outcome of my actions. I know that my intenetions were good, however the road to hell is paved with good intentions right? I apologized to her and told her that I just wanted to surprise her, but she was hurt, I could hear it in her voice. She told me she knows that I had good intentions, but that she fealt violated. I have allowed this to destroy my mental state today and tonight. I feel horrible about letting her down and hurting her.

While talking with Swashy I downed 3 cape cods in about 3 minutes to take the edge off as I have been a ball of sh^t ever since she called. I am working on number four right now as I type. I have my son and 2 of his friends over tonight so i will slow it down now, thank goodness I am not alone or this would surely be a drunken stuper night. Swahsy has already told me to not be too hard on myself, but I can't help it. I feel like I am walking on eggshells and am scared to make the slightest mistake. I absolutely hate this feeling and need very seriously to detach myself again, I am getting too attached too quickly and it is tearing me up inside. Anyone who thinks that piecing is easy street can absolutely kiss my hairy white a^s, because this is tough business and I am turning into an emotional wreck. I am so fricking worried about doing or saying the wrong thing that I have gotten away from all that I know that is right.

I know that I will be fine and tomorrow is a new day, but tonight just flat out sucks. i took the boys bowling and couldn't even get into it and have fun. My stomach was in knots and my emotions are so tense right now that the slightest bad thing and I am over the edge. This absolutely sucks folks and I am actually looking forward to sleeping so that this day will finally end. Tomorrow is getting back to Ian day, thats all there is to it, I have to get my focus back and start taking care of me again. I am sorry for the long rant here, it has just been the sh^tties day since right before New Years. I was really starting to get comfortable and then boom...... one slip and all goes to hell. What I wouldn't give to not have th ekids tonight and be able to get drunk and pass out.....


Ian

[shoeprincess]

Ohhh Ian... I am sorry.. I think she is embarrased more than anything... do not beat yourself up over this... I think what you did was awsome.... I bet she calms down and all will be fine tomorrow...

[Rob1231]

OK, Ian, deep breath. Let's get a little perspective here.

You made a mistake. Your intentions were good and, had it not been for your "discovery", the whole act probably WOULD have been taken in the good spirit that it was intended. But, yeah, you accidentally intruded on W's privacy. And you're sorry.

And that's all. This is NOT the End of the World. Sure, W is upset, I would even say (now that I think about it from her perspective) understandably upset. But she'll get over it. This one slip is NOT going to cost you all the hard work you have done for months. Your W has seen changes in you for all that time, and she believes them because they are real changes. She'll calm down in a couple days, get over her embarrassment, and you'll be back on the road to success with your piecing efforts.

None of us is perfect. Don't expect yourself to be. Give yourself permission to slip up every now and then, learn from it, and move on.

Here's the important question: What are you gonna do now? Are you gonna lie down and QUIT? After all you've been through, all the strength you've shown us, are you gonna curl up and cave? I DON'T THINK SO. Instead, what can you do to get back on track?

First, I know you've apologized, but maybe a little more groveling is in order. How about some roses and a sweet, humble, sincere note?

Second, respect how much W was embarrassed. I imagine my own W's reaction to that sitch, and it isn't pretty. So, once you've apologized, just don't mention it again - for a long, long time. Instead, help her get over that discomfort by being your regular, happy, DBing self around her. This will only continue to be a big embarrassing elephant in the room if you act that way. Let it slide and get on with your lives.

Finally, learn from the mistake. You've come across a boundary that you weren't aware of - at least, not aware of its importance to W. But now you do know, so just be more careful next time.

You're doing fantastic, man. Don't let this little incident drag you down in the dumps. You're better than that.

And I honestly think, a long while down the road, you'll probably be able to look back at this and laugh about it with W. You'll see.

[inspiredjulie]

Yep Ian... don't forget to act as if w/ your wife. As if there is nothing uncomfortable between you. It will put her at ease and make you feel better. That said, it's over, it happened. Leave the past in the past and move forward. We learn from our mistakes. We give our kids that leeway, give it to yourself. Now put your big boy panties on and get over it.

Sorry you feel down about this. I really am. Just getting you pepped up for tomorrow.

[sofaraway]

Thanks gang, and I will be fine. Mainly just posted to get the sh^tty feelings out of my system. I have been on the phone with Swashy for the last 45 minutes and of course steddy Eddy will not allow me to wallow in my own self pity. I am going to do exactly as Julie said here and act as if nothing happened tomorrow when I see her and be happy Ian and exude the confidence that I have always been able to exude. I will put yesterday behind me and look towards tomorrow. Scott told me to think of another sunject to approach her with when I see her tomorrow and that is exactly what I plan to do. I hope that I didnt freak any of you out, like I said, just venting and getting the emotion out of my system. Thanks for the support ya'll, this is what I depend on ya'll for.

Ian

[inspiredjulie]

Hey... need a funny story????

This isn't super funny, but D3 and I walked by VS in the mall today and I hear her say... "woooow... mom, can we go in there"... It was all I could do to not say Hell yes we can and your father will be paying dearly for it.

[swashy]

That's awesome Julie! They have Gap Kids right - maybe a VS Kids...God help us!

Ian - you're good bro. Again, your intentions were good, she recognizes that and she will not therefore crucify you for it. No need to beat yourself up over trying to be a loving husband. You deserve better than that.

I think you just need to be prepared with some "material" for tomorrow but you also need to read her mood. If she's pissed, I don't think pulling the happy, happy, joy, joy will work. She'll think you're a freak. Be honest with yourself and her. If she's cool - great. If not and she brings it up...then just repeat what you have already said - really not much more you can do. What's done is done. You just need her to move as soon as she can.

[inspiredjulie]

geesh.. you boys are up late... what is it, like almost 11 there?

[Astimegoeson]

Ian,

I know you feel bad, but let some time pass. She might be receptive to making lite of the encounter in due time. As somebody her already said, you'll probably have a laugh over it in the future.

BTW, when my W and I were together during happier times, I once played a gag on her with a pleasure toy I bought. I won't go into details, but she got the biggest surprise and kick out of it.