Working towards home

[toughlover]

I go through huge mood swings still, I can be happy as can be and then have some time with her and get very sad when we part ways. I also have struggled a bit with my DBing and how much I am supposed to keep doing it.

Well if your experience turns out to be anything like mine that mood swings will remain a regular part of your life for a long time and then you'll notice one day that they're tapering off, the highs and lows aren't as high and low as they were. It's all gradual...and you know what, it kind of feels funny when those highs and lows go away...in my case, anyway, I'd gotten really used to them so I didn't feel "normal" (whatEVER the hell that is) anymore. Turns out, that was a good thing

I have told her that I love her and not gotten response back. Then I have also said it and she returned it. I did not intend to open that can of worms just yet, but couldnt help myself.

Yeah, I feel for you, bro. Same boat for a long time. Since we were piecing and talking I just expressed that frustration to my W one day and she just basically told me that she wanted me to express myself to her if I could do it without getting upset if she couldn't reciprocate it. I think as long as it's not scaring them off and it's done somewhat sparingly and genuinely then I think it's important. My W, and I'm assuming most women, want to feel prized by their husbands and, especially in this kind of sitch, want to know that there is hope for a real, solid, intimate relationship again...especially the more emotional they are.

That, in my opinion, was one of the hardest things I had to do because, frankly, I felt like a moron expressing feelings for someone who wasn't able to reciprocate them at the time. It was like when I was in high school or college and tried dating someone who wasn't real interested in taking it beyond simple "acquaintanceship".

But I did it anyway, though sparingly, and with as much detachment as I could muster. Got to where I only did it when I felt strong and knew I didn't need anything back...usually saved it for when we were home and having a light but good time with each other and the kids and I was about to leave or take the kids somewhere.

I can't say whether any of that made a difference or not. But again, I think the fact that she saw that I was confident in how I felt about her (which I think she needed to see was possible given all that transpired, and how she felt about herself) and yet able to walk away from it, helped give her some space to see who I was again and what the future might be like if she were in it 100%. That surely didn't remedy things overnight, has taken (and is taking) many months actually, but although it did feel somewhat artificial at first, we just kept plugging along and things started happening for the better.

I also started getting more attention from other women which I didn't seek but sort of was thankful it was there cause I think that made her see how much she's always counted on my absolute faithfulness and how bad it would be for her if I bailed on her. That sort of thing.

Good luck. I sometimes spout off too much but if I can help in any way let me know. We've had to overcome a lot of stuff (wife's sexual aversion towards me, an std, whole lot of lies being exposed, and then all the problems that already existed between she and I) so we're by no means there yet but we seem to be making decent progress.