Okay...your list contain five areas that you want to focus on. Number five will mostly likely happen when all is well or improving towards positive feelings.
First, if you want to lead a group for the community to stop new buildings going up...that's fine - it shows that you are passionate about an issue - very assertive.
Putting up boundaries, are a little much right now...as they will build up more resentment to the marriage. IMHO, I still feel her issues surround her career or lack of the consistency in the work field. If she is a free-lance graphic artist, that is tough. You could, however, keep your eyes and ears open through networking, to help her find a company that has a graphic department - such as an airline, hotel chain, travel agency, etc. I think that she equates her worthiness based on her career - which is not unusual, to say the least - but it also raises her self- esteem by feeling needed.
With you going out and doing inerests that will occupy your free time will be advantageous to you and your marriage. It will show her that life goes on and it can include her or not...her choice. This will also take your mind off of the day to day drudgery of analyzing her moods.
Seeing some positives from her could possibly indicate that she is thinking about the conversation that you two had just recently. It's not always a good idea to bring out an affair face to face, because it can backfire...however, in your particular case, it might have been effective. She may meet up with the OM while you are gone, but, you cannot stop it without forcing a negative result.
Stay positive and get involved with projects but look for any signs be it good or bad, from her. In my perspective, her issues deal with her wanting to be more assertive in her persona and that she is transcending this onto you in order to deal with it.
Remember, unless you have dramatically changed your self, then, when she married you, there was never a problem with you not being assertive. If you would change into the one person she wants you to be - there would be something else that she would find wrong with you.
Have a safe and productive trip, don't worry about anything on the homefront. If you normally call or text her while away, continue to do so...but don't discuss the marriage relationship over the airwaves.
