I'm sorry...this is really pathetic on her part. However, you just may have to separate for a while. It could be that she is planning to see OM...but, you can't control her in a way to prevent it.
I would at least talk to the counselor first - then - depending on how you feel - start looking into buying her out of the house. She surely isn't too convinced that this EA is going anywhere...however, she wants to date within the walls of marriage...hmmmmmmmmmmm.
You already know she doesn't want to be exposed...that's your trump card...for the future. See how it plays out up until the time you leave to come over here...I wouldn't be too specific when you are returning home...let her wonder.
