It is wonderful to hear from you – I was missing your wisdom and presence here. I am glad to hear that you are doing okay.
Yes, things have turned darker again, though the last few days have been okay. Somehow the bomb drop is usually followed by relative calm, maybe the aftermath of a strong emotional release.
To answer your questions: W didn’t say anything to my statement that I thought she was having an A, after I cited the evidence of her secretive phone calls. I didn’t mention the note, as it seemed enough to say how hurt I was by what I thought was going on, that it was the worst sort of violation I could imagine.
This was part of a longer statement on my part the morning after the bomb, which had the following parts: Papers – if we get divorced, I want this formalized on paper for legal reasons. This got a rise out of her – “you are getting revenge with this – isn’t an agreement between the two of us just as good?”. Vacations – I said I wasn;t sure vacations together would work. She said it had to – that we could still be friends… Kindness – I have been kind to a fault, in my opionion, but I told her that this would stop somewhere, that I would then cut off contact as much as possible. She said that this wouldn’t be possible, that I had to bear it, that life was messy and painful etc. Separation – that I wanted as much separation as possible if it came to that.
She asked me again this morning if I knew when I would be travelling, this to plan her trip to Germany. I believe this is to see OM, though she says it is to help a girlfriend move out her art things from an art studio. Not sure how to react to this situation – put on a happy face? I suppose I have to still.
We just had a lunch together which started with a strained feeling, but I defused it with small talk. She even asked me to bring a camelia back with me from Califronia, so at least the garden seems to have a future… The defusing seems important, though small talk is just that, small.
The evening after the bomb drop I made a point of being vivacious and (hopefully) funny when visiting friends (our whole family,with their whole family) that evening. My wife had said I somehow wasn’t fully alive, so I made a point of contributing to the general merriment.
W also said that for her marriage is outmoded – some tribes apparently have the woman sleep with as many men as possible, as they believe the are producing a pearl in the woman’s womb, and so building it up with their semen. She relativized this by saying that while I wasn’t’ the right man, maybe there was one somewhere. Lovely talk.
The counselor visit is tomorrow morning. On th agenda is an introduction and analysis, producing maybe a first thing for me to do. Maybe my W and I having taken the Meyer-Briggs personality test will help. I am INTJ and she is ENFP, with the biggest difference between us in the introversion/extroversion part.
I just heard a documentary on the BBC about two blind people that got married in Jordan, from which one thing struck me, namely the idea of challenging each other in a relationship. I didn’t place challenges on W – maybe I should (have) – not sure if starting now is a good idea, and also not sure what should be the subject.
The lake here froze, finally, last night. Now there is nearly perfectly smooth , snow-free ice in front of our garden here, and the remaining ducks slide around and shiver. If this cold weather (0F) persists, and it doesn’t’ snow, then it will be great for long distance skating, which is a wonderful part of winter here. We are on the same water as Stockholm, so I could in theory skate to the counselor tomorrow ,but it is 50 miles away.
On a positive note, we are having a masonry heater put in, which came in a bunch of banana boxes. After unpacking these, I took them to the dump, and my W didn’t’ say anything about how useful they would be for moving…
One more note you might enjoy – this from my blog - Snow here, finally, so much that I had to shovel. People are outside, enjoying the first real day of winter, the snow plows make their rattering sound, an old woman goes on cross country skis over the wheat fields
Nice to have you around –
Best –
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
