she's left my life has ended

[nickfromtheuk]

Jack_Three_Beans

I know everything you said is true. Lies come out of her mouth like she even believes they are true herself.

I dont need to go back to school thankfully as I have a trade and can make good money. I run a small business but have hardly work in the last 6 months as my mind has been consumed with what she is or not doing. I understood that I could not snoop because it would not do me any good but I just could not work consistently. Used to sit there staring at my tools. Thankfully most of the properties I work in are empty. All I need to do is carry out a decent days work 5 days a week and i'll be more than OK. Its all the paperwork that goes with it now the industry is regulated to some degree. I'll be able to keep my house whatever happens but. .... well ... just doesn't look like I'll keep hold of her.

I'm not making the work changes for her. I HAVE to make them for myself and my children. I did say to her yesterday that if she wanted to go (She said she would be off if she was not happy. Says she doubts she will be able to stay 2 years) then she would be going on her own. There is no way she is going to subject my son to that life.

I agree with what you say but I am not in that place yet. I wish I was but it seems I'm a glutton for punishment. Its going to be so hard but I have to pull my crap together for my kids. I have let them down in all this for too long.

I know deep down that she is lost to me at the moment and I may never see her look into my eyes again with love.

I don't want to start again. Aside fro being 41, which I no is not old but I don't want anybody else. I want her but I know I may not ever have her again.

Got to go. I need to put my happy face on for my kids. Thanks for the advice. Unfortunately everything you said was true.

Nick