she's left my life has ended

[nickfromtheuk]

fig.

urrrrhrhrhrhr

But you say that you forgive her for the affair but it is blatantly obvious to me that you haven't. You can not old onto this anger and still detach...and detach you must.

I HAVE FORGIVEN HER. Just because I am angry that she was taken for a ride and then discarded by a serial romeo doesn't mean I haven't forgiven her. I cant explain the need to know his name and her telling me it wont help you only makes it worse. Why shouldn't it be perfectly natural for me to want to know who he is. I've read loads of post, had advice and it seems that women usually don't want to know or if they do find out wish they never did and it seems men need to know. At the end of the day I know who is is I know what he looks like and I stood within 2 feet of him this morning and whilst I'm sure he probably felt very uncomfortable because I was holding my sons hand so therefore he must know who I am. I didn't hit him, give him dirty looks or whatever because I have no feelings for him what so ever apart from my annoyance that mine is not the first marriage he has been apart of because he bedded another mum last term. I am also annoyed that he chased, bedded and then when my wifes feelings for him got too strong he dumped her pretending his wife found out.

So I don't know how I get through to say I have forgiven her but I have.

Again...I am only adding one person's opinion here but...after my 1st husband hurt me for the 1st time...I told him the same thing...that I understood why he did it, totally forgave him, deserved it...

Did you betray him by having an affair? You said after he hit you for the first time so I take it he was abusive. I can understand you feel very emotive about what I did to my wife but I can assure you that from the age of 10 when we first started dating until Saturday morning I have never raised a finger to my wife and I don't ever intend to again. I do not even stand up if we argue and our has been a marriage of very few but even when we do argue I don't stand up because I am aware that if we are shouting and screaming at each other my standing may intimidate her and I don't want to intimidate her let alone hit her

I said she told me she deserved it but I also said in the same or next sentence that no one deserves what I did and it is totally unacceptable. I told my wife this and I can assure you I am totally crushed by what I did and as long as I live I will never forgive myself. I said in another post that I did not know rage could be so intoxicating. Maybe I chose the wrong words but I was not saying that I wanted to make it my bed partner just that for someone who has been unable to feel emotions properly due to depression,feeling this emotion took me totally off guard. Intoxicating alludes to me saying I wanted more, which I can assure you I hope I never feel like that again but If I do I will be keeping my emotions in check until I can release them in a safe environment.

I'm sorry to go on but I'm not an abusive husband and i do think you are being rather harsh with me. I can totally understand you feeling like that especially as your first husband was an abuser.

My wife may have said she deserved it but she only said that because she knows how much she hurt me and she wanted to ensure I understood that she forgave me. I must add that I told my wife that no one absolutely no one should have to put up with what I did to her then and she should certainly not feel she deserved it. You see however hurtful having an affair is to the deceived spouse nothing excuses violence.

Nick